


Blooming Ties

by PhilsBabyHina1990



Category: Genesis (Band), Mike Rutherford (Musician), Peter Gabriel (Musician), Phil Collins (Musician), Steve Hackett (Musician), Tony Banks (Musician)
Genre: 1970, 1970 Parallel Time, 1970's, 1970's England, Abuse, Alcohol Usage, Alcohol useage, F/M, Gen, Love, Romance, Sex, Smoking, Swearing, The Seventies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilsBabyHina1990/pseuds/PhilsBabyHina1990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hina is a young girl who never looks back on her past, that is until she moves back to England. See the life in 1970's England through her eyes as she becomes entangled in a romance with the musician, Phil Collins, and struggles with the demons of her past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Musical Box of Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina meets an old friend while attending a concert in a park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally split into two chapters, but I decided on blending them into one long chapter.

It was a warm spring day. The sun was high in the sky and there wasn’t a cloud anywhere in sight. Basically, this was the perfect weather for wearing shorts, skirts, and short sleeved shirts – almost I mean. The park was full of spectators. People more or less from my age group or in the very least teenagers, were gathered in the middle of the park. A huge platform, a deck of sorts I should say, was set up and it was decorated with basic stage lighting – I guess in case the clouds decided to make an appearance and block the sun out. I could see some men moving up and about around on stage, but it was hard to make out who they were. They were lining up some instruments and setting up some microphone stands.

The crowd was more spread out than I thought they would be. A lot of them were sitting or lying comfortably on blankets while others were sitting in little lawn chairs or whatever. It seemed like all these kids and young adults were expecting an all day and an all nighters’ show – to which I wouldn’t doubt something like wouldn’t happen; the Beatles did shows like that. So, it wouldn’t surprise me to see younger bands doing the same thing.

Brushing a few strands of my blonde hair out of my face, I approached the crowd that gathered around the stage. At first, it was hard to get through due to the tight fit and the fact that everyone wanted to be as close as possible to the stage. My lips curled back into a frown at being jostled back to where I had started.

I pressed into the crowd and managed to squeeze in this time. There was no way in the infinite dimensions of Hell that I will let anybody keep me from finding him. This was my first day back in England since a few years ago. You see, I have been living in America off and on since I was born. Of course, I am not British or anything but my father is in the military and we are often stationed between the United States and England.

As of last week, I am officially a run away. I sort of ran away from my parents, who’re still living in America. Of course, I didn’t leave a letter or anything. I just upped and disappeared – just like _he_ did – my brother. But that’s a different story for a different time. I came back to England to see an old friend – one that I haven’t seen during the past two years. During this time, I’ve been in touch with an old friend of mine from my last year of high school and today, would be my first time seeing him in two years. Of course, I have to get through this crowd first.

_Shit!_ I felt someone jab his or her elbow into my stomach on accident, making me flinch in pain. What is wrong with people these days?

Ignoring the pain, I pressed forwards through the crowd of spectators until I reached the front. I quickly turned around and tried to look across the sea of people. No luck. There were too many people, too many hippies and radicals, to discern him from the rest of the crowd. Why? Why did there have to be so many people here?

As I was trying to look for my friend, I failed to notice someone staring at me from up on stage. In fact, I was not concerned with what was going on up on the stage since I assumed he was going to be in the crowd. I nearly shrieked at feeling someone grabbing my waist and my entire body jumped in fright. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my body as I quickly spun around to kick whoever grabbed me. That was when I saw him. A sandy blonde haired male, barely in his twenties, grinned at me with his blue eyes twinkling.

“You haven’t changed during the past few years, Hina.” The boy said cheerfully. His smile faltered a bit at seeing the look of pure confusion on my face. “Don’t you remember me?”

“Uhm, it depends…” I looked him over. This man before me looked familiar, but many people looked alike to me in this weird crowd of rebellious youths. I bit my lip for a second before speaking.

“You wouldn’t happen to be….Phil, would you?” I asked warily.

The grin returned and he nodded. He was obviously Phil because only Phil would have a slightly crooked smile. My heart leapt a bit in the back of my throat and I found myself smiling shyly. Two years ago, I would have been laughing and hugging Phil as if he was an old friend, but now….

The roles were now reversed. He is the outgoing one and I am the socially awkward one. I guess that is what time does, it changes people. But since when did Phil become this outgoing?

“So you do remember me!” Phil let out a laugh and he hugged me again. Of course, I gave him an awkward embrace and allowed him to do the talking. It was almost as if we had never been apart. Like this was just another day of hanging out and we were still close. To him at least.

To me, this is two years later and two people who have not seen each other in a long time are meeting up and being reacquainted lately.

_What am I getting myself into?_

“Are you back in England for good?” His voice broke through my train of thoughts and I slightly shrugged. We were walking now and of course, Phil was eager to hear all the details of my life. During the two-year separation between us, we kept in touch through letters and the occasional phone call.

“Yea, as far as I know. I mean, Dad hasn’t really said anything else beyond that.” I responded with a nervous smile. I really did not know what I was getting myself into. I had just flat out lied to my best friend. I glanced at him and saw that he was amused, but I tore my gaze away when he noticed me looking and cleared my throat. I wonder how long it’ll be before he found out that I ran away?

“What about you? The last time I saw you, you were with that band… _The Flaming Youths_?” I asked, trying my best to remember the name. The nineteen year old rubbed the back of his neck. A grimacing look graced his face and he frowned for a second.

“I’m not really with them an’more.” He said quietly. It was my turn to frown and I blinked. I tilted my head as I looked at my childhood friend.

“What happen?” My tone was almost quiet as I asked this and Phil shrugged, climbing up onto the edge of the stage. He then sat down on the edge, with his legs dangling.

“Let’s just say, thin’s didn’t work out after our first album release, but now I’m wit’ a new band. They’re called Genesis.” Phil explained. He saw the lost look on my face and he let out a laugh before smiling again. Why was there a strange twinkle in his eyes? Did he know something that I did not? Before Phil could explain further, a voice called out to him from the stage and the two of us looked over. A tall dark brown haired British man was staring at us from over top of a bass strapped to his shoulder. He was knelt down on one knee, holding a microphone while another man, maybe a bit older or younger, readjusted the top.

“Oi, Phil. Get your arse over here and help us set up.”

I blinked at hearing the second man’s tone. It was a bit rude and a little irritated. Of course, I naturally got annoyed and spoke without thinking.

“How about asking him nicely?” I said irritably. Phil shook his head.

“It’s fine, Hina, I stopped what I was doing when I saw you an’ways.” Phil added, getting to his feet. He walked across the stage, over to the two people working on the microphone. The rude man was done with the microphone by the time Phil reached him and he finally stood up. He eyed me with much suspicion.

“Who’s this little bird?” the man was slightly taller than Phil by a good few inches. His hair cascaded down the sides of his face in a big wave, stopping just at his shoulders, and he wore these small glasses with thick black frames. I could see his small, squintish eyes staring hard at me as he asked this.

_Bird?_ I wanted to slap him, but I refrained myself and I noticed the other man getting up as well. This one was a lot taller than the rude one with his long straight dark brown hair and his blue eyes glaring at the man wearing spectacles. He pushed back the dark strands of his hair, shooting his companion a warning glare.

“Be nice, Steve. She’s obviously a friend of Phil’s.” He said before tightening the microphone.

“Steve?” I echoed in confusion. I was somewhat lost.

“Sorry, Hina, where are my manners?” Phil teased. He gave me a smile as he pulled me up or rather helped me up; my friend spoke again, “These two fellows are part of my new band, Genesis.” He added the name quickly, his blue gaze meeting mine. He was making sure that I wasn’t confused still – though I still was a bit lost, but I forced myself to smile and nod anyways.

“Ah, so, Genesis is the band’s name...” I said quietly, helping Phil pull out a drum. I suddenly stopped, feeling the awkwardly dramatic pause. Phil wanted me to figure it out. He wanted me to guess and I did. I looked at the two men helping us and well, that is when I smiled…sort of. “You…you got the job and…”

Phil cracked a smile and nodded. Yes, he was part of the band and these two men we were engaging a conversation with two of the members of the said band.

“You got it.” Phil laughed at my sheer embarrassment, but it was Steve who spoke next.

Steve raised an eyebrow and he looked at me again. “You sure you’re one of Phil’s friends?” the other member, the taller one, hit him on the back of the head before giving me an apologetic look.

“Ignore Steve; he’s being his usual idiotic self. My name’s Michael Rutherford, but my friends call me Mike.” He held out his hand for me to shake. I kind of shied away but shook his hand anyways, mumbling my introductions. Phil seemed pleased with himself as he stood with us, watching Mike make a short but pleasant conversation with little snarky comments from Steve.

It was not until we heard a loud whistling sound ringing in the air and another voice spoke as two more members came out from behind the backstage. What’re you lot doing? Lazing about?” The voice’s owner was a man, slightly taller than Phil was but not quite as old as Mike. I say this because I am assuming Mike is around his mid-twenties or something. Nevertheless, this person, he seemed to be the true leader of the band because he held himself with a lot of grace and of course, there was what I could only guess were ideas floating inside his head. His eyes showed it. His brown hair curled around an elegant face as he stared at me with his intense gaze. He was the vocalist, Peter Gabriel.

Yes, I have heard of Genesis’ members before Phil joined them. I swallowed back the nervous lump in my throat as Peter’s dark eyes flickered to me. I watched the corners of his lips curl back into a polite smile. I felt like I was intruding on something.

“And who’s this?” Peter asked.

“Sorry, Peter. I, we, got side tracked talking with Hina and-“

“It was my fault!” I said quickly, interrupting Phil before he could finish. Yes, I felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

“I was the one distracting Phil, Mike, and Steve from their jobs and…I’m sorry!” I said all of this without taking a breath. I felt nervous. My throat was getting dry and my palms were sweaty.

_Ha!_ It must be the intimidation I feel from Peter. But then again, Peter did look like the kind of person you would not want to cross on a bad day.

All of Genesis were silent and Phil shifted his weight to his other foot, feeling anxious for some reason. Maybe he was hoping Peter would not yell at me. I do not know but he was obviously reading my mind for I felt Phil slipping his hand into mine. It was probably to keep me calm.

Peter looked between Phil and me before his dark blue-green eyes finally rested on me. He shook his head a bit, a smile playing on his lips.

“I’ll take it that you’re Hina, Phil’s lady friend?” He asked in a teasing tone.

_“Lady Friend?”_ Steve scoffed and laughed, arms crossed. “More like his _girlfriend_ from the way Phil is actin’ like a nervous puppy wantin’ a bone.”

This was the breaking point for me. Steve had been making little sarcastic and rude comments every chance he got. I swiveled on around on my feet and glared at the guitarist.

“Just shut. The. Hell. Up! I am not his girlfriend! I’m just an old school friend!” I said angrily. My anger seemed to have startled everyone for Steve took a step back, with his hands raised in defense.

“Whoa, easy there, l-“ I glared at the snarky musician, daring him to call me one of those strange little pet names. I heard Phil laughing nervously from beside me and he quickly pulled me away, holding me in a half hug.

“There’s one thing you should know ‘bout Hina, guys, she doesn’t like pet names.” My friend said, releasing me somewhat. I knew he did not want me to cause any trouble or to say the least, murder someone. Not that I would do that.

Steve shook his head while scratching the back of his head, “Blimey, she’s bloody crazy….”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman’s wrath, Steve.” Mike said and they all laughed, save for Steve and me. It has only been maybe half an hour and I can already tell that I would not like Steve. Snarky people like him grate my nerves greatly. I wonder what was going to happen later after the show.

“Listen Hina, we need to go do the show now, but you and Phil can catch up afterwards.” Peter gave me another polite smile and he started walking away with the others, leaving me alone with Phil. He stopped temporarily and looked back at Phil. “C’mon, Phillip. We can’t keep the fans waitin’ forever.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Phil turned backed to me and another smile graced his lips. “You’re staying to watch, aren’t you?” He asked in a hopeful tone. I felt my heart beating rapidly again and I found myself blushing a bit. He was giving me that puppy dog look again. Just like, he did when he had asked me to come live with him two years ago. I did not want to disappoint him. I hate letting people down. I finally nodded and cracked a smile at him.

“Yea, I’ll stay for the show.” I said quietly. I was somewhat intrigued as to how far along he has come since his days with the last band and this show _**IS**_ important to him. Again, Phil’s crooked smile formed on his lips and he gave me a bear hug. Heat rose on my cheeks at the close contact between us, making my heart rate speed up.

Why am I feeling this way?

“Thanks, lovie.” He whispered into my ear, his breath tickling it.

_Lovie…_

That was his pet name he used to call me back in high school. Of course, that was the only pet name anyone has ever called me and we were on the verge of dating back then. However, this was different. We are adults now. We have grown up, become more mature. No more can we just sit back and be nervous about our developing feelings for each other, and hope that one of us makes the first move. We have to handle this situation in a realistic way and the realistic, adult way was to go with our instincts and take some risks while doing it too. Then we can see what happens.

-

I stood in the middle of the crowd, waiting with the rest of them as Phil and the boys took their positions. The world seemed to stop spinning on its axis and everyone became quiet the second that Peter took that microphone into his hands. I have never seen anyone get so quiet so fast. His voice boomed through the microphone, traveling through the little wires that connected it to the stand and to the speakers set up around the stage. Peter really had a strong voice. I could…see why girls liked him.

“Thank you for coming to our show. We promise to make this one of the best performances, especially since we’re about to play the first collaborated song from me and our drummer, Phil.” A loud cheering noise erupted from all around me and I had to cover my ears until it died off. Everyone was excited and I could not help, but feel a bit pumped as well. Once the cheers ceased, Peter spoke again. “Genesis will now perform _The Musical Box_.”

Another cheer and some whistles later, Steve tickled the strings of his guitar and the others soon followed in pursuit. Phil gave a smile before beginning to tap the cymbals on his drum set as the words began to flow from Peter’s lips.

”Play me Old King Cole  
That I may join with you,  
All your hearts now seem so far from me  
It hardly seems to matter now.”

This song seemed to be full of emotions and not the terrifying kind either. It seemed to be full of magic for some reason. A gentle, soothing melody flew from the band and the looks on all of their faces seemed to paint the perfect picture. To everyone else Peter was the main attraction, but to me, Phil stood out more. Maybe it was because I knew him best. I do not know but it seemed like Phil had written this song for me. I think it was just hopeful thinking though.

_”And the nurse will tell you lies_  
 _Of a kingdom beyond the skies._  
 _But I am lost within this half-world,_  
 _It hardly seems to matter now."_

I could not help, but be swept up in the music. The melody, the harmony, the words. Everything was drawing me in and I loved it. It seems all the more magical as I closed my eyes and just allowed myself to hear the song as a whole. Peter and Phil’s voices melted together, blending with the strokes of Steve’s guitar and Mike’s bass, the chimes of Tony’s keyboard, and the thumps on Phil’s drums. Everything was coordinated.

_”Play me my song._  
 _Here it comes again._  
 _Play me my song._  
 _Here it comes again.”_

The boys seemed to get lost in the music as well as Phil echoed Peter’s words and tapped out a rhythm on his drums, Peter was now playing on his flute while singing, Steve and Mike were plucking the strings on their guitars, and of course, Tony was working his magic on the keyboard. I liked it. Everyone seemed to sing along with them, swaying back and forth in time to the music.

_”Just a little bit,_  
 _Just a little bit more time,_  
 _Time left to live out my life”_

My lips moved wordlessly, mimicking the words that I hear.

_”Play me my song._  
 _Here it comes again._  
 _Play me my song._  
 _Here it comes again.”_

I remember a time where I was a bit happier. Err, well not to say I was not happy right now, but my life had been happier prior to my brother secretly running away from home to join the war in Vietnam five years ago.

_”Old King Cole was a merry old soul,_  
 _And a merry old soul was he._  
 _So he called for his pipe,_  
 _And he called for his bowl,_  
 _And he called for his fiddlers three."_

We were sixteen. Our family was still in England and of course, my brother had gotten it into his head that he could do more good as a war hero than he would getting a good education to become a doctor like he had wanted to do. I, personally, think he joined the war because of peer pressure. His friends had done nothing but talk about how our fathers were in World War II some years ago and that they wanted cool battle scars to win over some chicks at their school.

_”But the clock, tick-tock,_  
 _On the mantelpiece -_  
 _And I want, and I feel, and I know, and I touch,_  
 _Her warmth...”_

It was just all talk. Boyish talk. At first, I thought my brother was kidding and was only excited because the war was a big fad, just like going out there and protesting the government’s choice in how they dealt with the war itself. Or doing drugs to feel the _Love_. However, he went through with it. He spent an entire year talking about it and on our sixteenth birthday, he left.

_”She's a lady, she's got time,_  
Brush back your hair, and let me get to know your face.  
She's a lady, she is mine.  
Brush back your hair, and let me get to know your flesh.”

I was extremely upset and crushed. I did not go to school for two weeks because of the hurt I felt. If it were not for Phil, I probably would not have gotten out of my depression and might have ended up taking my life one way or another. My relationship with my parents had deteriorated over time because of that incident too. My father had immersed himself in his work with the military and my mother; she just started drinking a bit to drown out her problems. It was Hell.

Phil made everything all right. He helped me through my pain and my sorrow. For the next few years, I received letters from my twin, each one filled with news, some good, some bad, but it was not until Dad had to move us back to California two years ago that we stopped receiving letters from Hugh.

_”I've been waiting here for so long_  
 _And all this time has passed me by_  
 _It doesn't seem to matter now_  
 _You stand there with your fixed expression_  
 _Casting doubt on all I have to say._  
 _Why don't you touch me, touch me,_  
 _Why don't you touch me, touch me,_  
 _Touch me now, now, now, now, now...”_

_The music… Why was it so entrancing?_ This song tugged at my heartstrings, making me cry. I could feel myself struggling with myself, trying to force back the hot, salty tears that burned at my eyes.

_Damn…_ I hate to cry, but I guess this felt like one of those times that I needed to have a good cry. But why did I have to cry out in public?

I did not know when the song ended, but I ended up crying in the end. I nearly jumped out of my skin at feeling arms embracing me and hugging me to someone’s body. I already knew who my hugger was. It was Phil. Only Phil could hold me tight without wanting to feel me up or having a perverted thought crossing his mind. Only he could whisper sweet words of comfort into my ear. Phil was the only one who could make me feel alive…

I did not know how long I stood there, crying in Phil’s arms but Phil was more than patient as he hugged me. His hugs were always the best. I finally stopped crying and managed to calm down. Phil reached out and wiped the last remaining tear out of my eye with a small smile.

“You alright?” He asked in my ear. I could feel his fingers softly going through my hair as he gently stroked the back of my head in an attempt of soothing me. It was working. Taking a deep breath, I allowed my body to relax in his embrace. I nodded against his shoulder.

_Damn it! Why did he have to catch me in a moment of weakness?_ It is a well-known fact that a girl’s moment of weakness is when she cries. That is a woman’s weak point. Or so I would like to think. On the other hand, maybe this weak moment just happened at a weird moment and Phil just happened to want to hug me. I do not know. All I know is that there was a slightly familiar feeling stirring from within my heart.

I finally turned my head up to look at Phil and I cracked another small, shy smile at him. Phil returned it with a smile of his own. He ruffled my hair playfully before releasing me.

“You’re alright, you cry baby.” He teased.

I frowned and rolled my eyes playfully. “Thanks for the concern, dork.” I retorted but in a playful way. The two of us laughed for a bit before the Keyboardist member of Genesis came over.

This time it was Tony Banks, the keyboardist that approached us. He looked to be a bit shy and nervous, as if he did not want to be the message boy. Tony’s curly brown hair added onto the overall impassive and stern look he wore as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

“Ah, Phil, are you going to bring Hina over to our celebration? Er, party?” He asked in a quiet tone. I wanted to hug him. He reminded me of a younger Phil from high school, being all shy and awkward.

“Party?” I echoed and my gaze went to Phil. Phil grinned and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Ah, um, there’s going to be a little party that Genesis is throwing. I mean it’s to celebrate my first fully fledged album with them.” He said, seeming a bit nervous himself.

I crossed my arms and gave Phil an amused look. Yes, I wanted to go but I liked messing with Phil a bit. “Hm, party with Genesis or study for that college entry exam? I sure have my options, _Phillip_.” I teased, pretending to weigh the two decisions on my mind. Of course, I have nowhere else to go, so, party hardy it is.

What really made me give in was that puppy dog look glittering in Phil’s eyes. The drummer wanted me to come and he knew that I would go to the party with him. A small breeze blew, tossing a few strands of Phil’s hair about his face.

_What the hell?_ The Gods were tempting me. They were pushing me towards Phil.

“Well?” Phil asked, failing to hide the hopeful tone in his words. I felt heat rising on my cheeks again and I managed to suppress my blush as I finally nodded, giving him a small “Yes.” Again, Phil smiled and he just squeezed me out of happiness. His spirit was lifting to new heights I bet. I wonder…

_Has Phil been thinking of me during the past few years?_

Did my letters make him happy during our time apart?

I know I seemed to forget him at times during my time in America, but because of all the things that were going on with my family, I could not find any time to really think of him. Not with my mother’s frequent rage and my father’s constant leave of absences. No, there was never any time to think of my friend except for when I wrote him, but even then, I never really realized how much I had missed him. Or how much I loved him. All of the letters I got from Phil showed that he was always thinking of me, that he cared. Maybe I should not go to this little party.

Phil obviously saw the thoughts running across my mind for he hugged me again and his lips flew to my temple, brushing against my skin. “Please come.” He whispered. He then pulled away and he walked away with Tony trailing after him. The party was going to be in an hour, I knew that much because the boys needed a moment to themselves and to recuperate from performing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> 1\. "The Musical Box" - "The Musical Box" is the final song Anthony Phillips helped write for the Nursery Cryme album before leaving the band in 1970.  
> 2\. The Flaming Youths - Phil's first band he was part of before joining Genesis.


	2. A Celebration of Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina meets Charlene at a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only chapter that barely had any changes from the original version of this story. The only changes that were made was where an argument had occurred between Phil and Peter, and Charlie (Charlene) wasn't even in the original story. Cheryl was but she only had a minimal role that was barely even glanced at.

The sun was setting. The stars in the sky were beginning to appear, dotting the fading grey skies with their sparkling presence. I finally reached the third floor of the Charisma Record Apartment Complex where Phil said he and his band mates were living at. The apartment building was within walking distance of the Park, which made it all the more easier for me to find it. It wasn’t a huge apartment building, but from what I hear most of the apartments were huge within it, some of them contained at least four bedrooms, maybe six, depending on the number of occupants. But since this was rented out only to bands and musicians working for Charisma Records, I could only guess that there weren’t any non-employees staying in this building. 

As I reached the last step, I was greeted by some faint music coming from a nearby apartment. It wasn’t necessarily loud, but it wasn’t totally quiet either. It was at the decibel that would be like a soft, indistinguishable murmuring. But I recognized the melody, and the voices strung together in this little mumbling. It was the Beatles. I could hear John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s voices blending together perfectly as the others just simply played out the melody. I couldn’t really place the song though.

I felt my whole body give a startling jolt as the door closest to me swung open and the Beatles’ song got louder. I blinked, watching as Steve came out with a giggling girl trailing after him. He was clearly drunk or something. For he snogged the girl for a few minutes before noticing me standing there. 

“’ey, it’s… Tina…. Hina.” The guitarist had a hard time putting his thoughts into words, but at least he was able to speak by some miracle of God. Steve’s date just giggled a bit and batted her thick eyelashes him. She then started to nip at his ear with a lustful growl. This made Steve yelp, but in a needy way and the guitarist just motioned for the open door. “Phil’s inside.”

I just crinkled my nose, watching him as he then went back to making out with his female companion. “Mm, thanks, Stephen. Have fun with your friend.” My words were lost in the tangle of moans and giggles. I quickly stepped into the apartment, not wanting to witness where the make out session was going. 

The music got louder as I entered the band’s apartment, but it was soft now. Once I was inside, I was greeted by a strangely normal looking apartment. The room was more or less dark, but there were some candles set about the room, casting the entire living room in a soft golden halo. Mike and Tony were sitting on a couch with one girl sitting between them and two others on either side of them. They were passing around a beer bottle and Mike had a cigarette in his hand. I almost felt uncomfortable being here what with the giggly girls clinging to Mike and Tony like cats in heat. And of course, Phil was sitting in a nearby chair and I was not too surprised to see a girl by his side, laughing, giggling, and batting her eyelashes at him. 

It made me highly uncomfortable and almost jealous. The girl had her hands on Phil’s arm, and her delicate fingers with that weird flashy nail polish on them were threading themselves into his hair. Phil and the girl were obviously deep in a hushed conversation. 

Of course, he would be involved with a one-night stand type of girl at a party. I thought bitterly. I remained silent and stood there for a few minutes, thinking of leaving before Phil could notice me. It wouldn’t be too late, right? I could just slip out and just leave him – leave everything behind. I mean I only agreed to see him to say good-bye, right? Biting my lip, I reached into the pockets of my skirt, my fingers grazing the envelope. My hand inched closer to the letter. I was ready to pull it out when Peter, who had somehow blended in with the semi-darkness of the room, suddenly noticed me from somewhere across the room and he, like his other band mates, had a girl cuddled into his side.

“Ah, there you are, Hina.” Peter’s voice caught Phil’s attention and my childhood friend looked my way. I felt my entire body freezing up at seeing Phil smile at me. Phil immediately abandoned his female companion and he quickly ran up to me, hugging me tightly. My heart started beating faster than it was a few seconds ago. Every muscle in my body became tight and I found myself holding my breath. It almost felt like I had stopped breathing and that time came to a halt as Phillip embraced me so firmly.

“Ya really came, Hina! I’m glad.” Phil pulled back a bit and held me out arm’s length. His lips curled into a frown at feeling me tense up in his arms. His blue gaze looked me over. “Anythin’ wrong?”

Seeing the girl that had been cuddled into Phil’s side moments before giving a pout, I relaxed a bit. I forced myself to smile and shrugged. “I’m fine. Just a bit startled, I guess.” I said softly. I really didn’t know what to say. I felt really out of place here. I mean Phil had been sitting there, talking quietly with some strange girl – maybe he knew her, I don’t know – and the boys all seemed so laid back and relaxed. They were sitting around drinking beer. And not to mention the thick cigarette vapor in the air and the smell of pot lingering in the air. And Steve was somewhere outside making out with a girl, possibly screwing her by now. I suddenly shifted my weight on my feet and gripped the side of my skirt. “Maybe I should just go…”

“What?” I gently pulled away and turned around when Phil’s hand grabbed my wrist. “Hina? You don’ hafta leave.” Phil’s quiet tone made my heart leap. But it made me feel even more nervous than I already was. I wanted to leave – to escape this strange feeling biting at my heart. Why? I didn’t know. 

“Let’er go, Philly. She’s obviously been raised to be a goody goody two shoes.” The voice belonged to the black haired woman Phil had on his arm moments before. I felt myself freezing at hearing her words, but what made things worse was the nickname she called Phil. Feeling my hands clenching themselves into fists at my sides, I took in a deep breath. I didn’t want to cause a scene. I didn’t want to be rude in front of Phil or to anyone, but when I looked at her, I saw a self-satisfied smirk on her lips. Her pale green eyes were narrowed, giving her the appearance of a Cat. I didn’t like it. Not one bit. “I bet you’ve never been to a party before, [i]Sweetheart[/i].” 

“Be quiet, Cheryl! Just because you’re one of Steve’s friends, doesn’t mean you can act rude.” A voice spoke from somewhere in the room. I could see the owner of the voice through the soft halo of candles in the room. There, sitting in the same chair as Peter, cuddled into his side, was a woman roughly around my age. Her long red hair was tied back into neat soft curls and her dark eyes were glaring at the once again pouting Cheryl. Peter just hugged the red haired woman to him.

“Come on now, Charlie. No need to get yourself worked up.” I heard him say to her. I just blinked and stared at Peter’s female companion. I could see a wedding ring glistening in the soft light. 

“I hate it when people put others down.” The woman muttered. She noticed me staring at her and offered me a smile as she pulled out of Peter’s hold. “Sorry about Cheryl’s attitude. She’s used to being able to get the attentions of men. My name’s Charlene, but you can call me, Charlie.” 

Charlie had this friendly air about her. Just the way she smiled at me eased my nerves greatly. She stuck her hand out, her smile growing wider. I found myself smiling back as I took her hand. 

“Hina. My name’s Hina.” I spoke softly, not really knowing what else to do. Charlene released my hand, only to tuck some loose strands of her hair behind her ear. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hina. I hear you were in America for awhile; how’d you like living there?” She asked this so casually. I could tell that she was just easing me into a state of comfort. It was working. Phil allowed me to sit in the chair with him as Cheryl grudgingly went to sit on the couch with Mike, Tony, and the other girls. 

“It was fine. I mean California was warm and full of protesters.” I murmured. My gaze remained down as I dug my nails into the palms of my hands. I wasn’t very good at being social with strangers. And Cheryl was right about one thing. I’ve never been to a party before. 

“Of course there’d be protesters there. The Beatles and the Hippies there are all part of a revolutionary movement.” Charlene said with a quiet giggle. She laced her fingers through one of Peter’s hands and squeezed it. From the looks of things, she and Peter appeared to be very intimate. Charlene’s accent told me she wasn’t English – well not British I mean. I couldn’t really place her accent. She sounded more American than anything. “What was it called? The British….” 

“British Revolution, Charles.” Peter said softly to her, closing his eyes a bit as Charlie casually played with his hand now. It was very strange to see Peter so relaxed. He seemed really tense while up on stage, but then again, I supposed he had to keep himself moving constantly while singing lest he seem bored and stiff. He heaved a contented sigh. Locks of his dark hair fell behind his shoulder blades as he rested his head on the back of his chair. 

Again, I saw the wedding ring on Charlie’s finger as she lifted a hand to finger his hair now. And without thinking it, I asked my question. “Are you two married?” my question brought everyone’s attention to me. Peter opened his eyes and looked at me. A blush rose on my cheeks and I looked away. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to ask that, I mean…”

“Yep! I’m happy to say that I am Mrs. Peter Brian Gabriel!” Charlie’s happy tone made Peter blush a bit. It was cute to see the singer this way. I couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Seeing Charlene act so outgoing while Peter acted shy was just…. Cute. 

“How long have you guys been married?” I asked.

“Not that long ago, a couple months ago.” Charlene’s answer surprised me and I had to keep myself from falling off the edge of Phil’s chair.

“Two months ago?” I blinked and looked the woman over. She didn’t even look that much older than me. Actually, Charlie looked to be younger than me. Peter looked away with a faint blush, but he relaxed again at feeling Charlie grabbing his hand.

“Yea, it took Peter three years to gather the courage to ask me properly and we kind of dated since our school days… since we were…” Charlie’s face scrunched up in concentration as she paused to count back the years. Peter looked even more embarrassed.

“You two didn’t date until we were all fifteen, when Peter, Mike, Ant, Chris, and I formed this band, Charlie.” Tony said while sipping from a wine bottle he held in his hands. He then proceeded to state some other facts. “You admired Peter from afar during the first two years of school until that day Peter read your notebook.”

Charlie’s face turned bright red, but turned even redder when Mike laughed, starting to join in. 

“I remember. Our good ol’ school days at Charter House. Charles would be starin’ at Peter an’ when Peter looked at her she would become as timid as a mouse. I don’ know how many nights I stayed awake with Charlie, listenin’ to her ramble on an’ on ‘bout him.” Said Mike, laughing good naturedly. Charlie just stormed over to Mike and they started to play fight the way siblings would. 

“Charter House? I thought that that was an all boys’ school?” I asked quietly, watching Mike putting Charlene into a head lock. Charlene was squealing while Mike just tickled her, and of course the girls didn’t seem to like their playfulness. 

“It was until a year ago. Charlie was chosen to do a trial run of integrating girls into the school. She is the first girl to attend Charter House and to graduate from it.” Peter said softly. His voice was barely above a whisper. I could see a warm, loving look on Peter’s face and all the while, the Beatles kept on singing in the background, adding onto the serene feeling around us.

“Michael John Cleote Crawford Rutherford, let me go!” Charlie cried out. I looked back over and saw Charlie struggling to get out of Mike’s headlock. Her head was resting against his knee, causing her to kneel on the ground between his legs. Mike had a big grin on his face as he looked down at her. 

“Sorry, Charlie, but I’m not lettin’ ya go so easily. You started this first.” He teased. I could see the annoyed look on Peter’s face at seeing his wife struggling to get out of Mike’s grip. Of course, she didn’t look to be in pain, but still, Peter seemed almost angry. Maybe worried was the right word as he watched his wife play around with Mike. Something told me he didn’t like how Mike was keeping Charlene down like that. 

“Ah, maybe you should let her go, Mike.” I said softly, casting a nervous glance to Peter. Mike noticed Peter’s expression and he just grinned more.

“It’s alright, Hina, we always play like this. Charlie’s like a little sister to me.” The bass player said. His smile disappeared as Peter rose from his seat. “What’s wrong, Pete?” 

“You’re forgetting that she’s also pregnant. Now release her. Now!” There was so much force and anger in Peter’s tone that it made me cringe. I glanced back at Charlene, who seemed to be out of breath. Her face seemed to be pale. She didn’t look very good.

Mike looked down at Charlie. Surprise graced his face and he immediately released her. “You alright, Charlie?” He asked in concern. Charlene still didn’t look good. Peter shot Mike a glare as Charlie reached for him. She coughed and I don’t mean a normal cough. It sounded very strained. Like she was having trouble breathing. I felt an ice ball forming in the pit of my stomach and I looked over at Phil, giving him a worried look. Phil just hugged me and kissed my forehead.

“She’ll be ok, Hina. Charlie’s been a bit sick lately and Peter’s just a bit over protective of her. Is all.” My friend said softly. My blue eyes flickered back to Charlene and Peter. Peter led Charlene back over to his chair and he soothed her as she tried to keep herself from coughing. Her whole body was shaking from her coughing fit and Peter had to help her stay standing. 

Peter’s face softened as he stared at his wife. Despite the anger on his face, I could see the pain and worry etched into his expression. “Why don’t you go rest up for awhile, Charlie?” He asked her quietly, but he frowned even more at Charlene shaking her head in refusal. 

Despite her protests, Charlie allowed Peter to guide her out of the living room and into the hallway to their bedroom. 

“Shit!” Mike cursed; face palming himself, “I almost forgot about that damned coughing infection.”

My face lit up and I looked over at the tall man, “Infection?” I blinked.

“Charlie has trouble breathin’, thanks to her asthma.” Mike said irritably. He put out his cigarette, only to light up another one soon after, “She’s had it since she was little an’ there’s no tellin’ how bad it really is ‘cause none o’ the medicine the doctors give her actually works.” 

I bit my lip, staring after Peter and Charlene. Did this mean that Charlene’s pregnancy won’t go over so well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference Notes  
> 1\. Paul McCartney & John Lennon - Two musicians from the Beatles. They were the two prominent members of the band who wrote a lot of the band's songs.  
> 2\. Charisma Records - The record label that Genesis signed onto during the 70's.  
> 3\. Charlene - Charlene is a character brought over from Silent Tears, Bright Smiles, which is set in pre-Genesis when Peter, Mike, and Tony were still in school.  
> 4\. Charter House - A boarding/public school in England. It was Genesis was formed and it used to be just an all boy's school.


	3. Loving you is Sweeter Than Ever Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being scared of going home alone, Hina ends up staying with Phil at the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of R rated content.

“Are you sure ya don’t want me ta walk ya home, Hina?” he asked me as we stepped out into the evening air. I glanced back at Phil to see him standing in the door way to the apartment he shared with his band mates. All was quiet and despite the candles having been distinguished and the party having ceased, I could still see the gentle expression on his face through the darkness of the twilight. I ended up staying at Genesis’ apartment until midnight. I guess you could say I had enjoyed Phil’s company a little too much.

“Or you could jus’ stay here tonight. I mean Steve won’t bother ya, and neither will the others.” His tone sounded really worried, but I just shrugged again. My heart was pounding really hard. I could swear that my heart was going to burst out of my chest one of these days. I looked away for a minute, my blue gaze staring into the darkness of the city surrounding us. It wasn’t all that common for people to be mugged, or worse, but yet, it was still dangerous. “Hina?”

Phil’s voice broke through the silence and I looked back at him. My lips turned into a smile.

“I’m sure I can get home safely. I mean, this isn’t a bad neighborhood or anything. I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.” I said softly to him. Phil just chuckled a bit and he shook his head. His lips broke out into a smile and he stretched out his arms to the sky. His blue eyes glittered softly as he smiled at me.

“Alright, if you say so.” Phil said softly. His arms went around me, drawing me into a tight embrace and I felt his lips brushing lightly against the skin of my temple. A ripple of shock coursed through me and my heart started pounding in my chest at feeling that tender kiss.

“Call me when you get home.” He breathed. Heat rose on my cheeks and I nodded.

“Alright; I will.” I murmured, returning his hug. His arms loosened from around my shoulders as I started pulling myself away from him. I felt his fingertips softly grazing the skin of my wrist as he finally released me. I was barely at the stairs when Phil spoke again.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Phil’s voice asked in the darkness. I stopped in my tracks, my left foot barely touching the top step. My hand gripped the cold metal railing of the stairs. Turning my head, I looked back at my best friend, and when I saw him, I saw a questioning gaze lurking in his dark eyes. There was a flicker of hope. I couldn’t deny Phil that simple request. I mean this day – or yesterday if you want to be technical – is the first day we’ve seen each other in over two years and two years is a long time for someone to be waiting on love and yet…

There was this sadness lurking in my heart. If I say, “Yes,” and not show up, then he’ll be crushed – as will I, but if I say, “No,” then I would have to force myself to come up with a stupidly pathetic excuse, which would still crush him. He’s been waiting for my return for the past two years. Is it really that unfair to keep him waiting even more? Should I cut him loose and just sink back into the darkness?

It seemed like an eternity as we stood there, staring at each other. Night had spread its dark cloak across this part of the world, casting the entire town in darkness and surrounding us in the usual silence.

I finally nodded and smiled at the nineteen year old, feeling my own heart beating rapidly in my chest. I wanted to see him again. “Of course you’ll see me tomorrow. We have a lot of catching up to do, right?”

Phil cracked a smile at me and nodded. “That we do.”

After the two of us said our good-byes once more, I started off, ready to wander around the street. I could easily go to his parents’ house, but I didn’t want to impose on them, seeing as how they still don’t know that I’m back. The further I drifted away, the more lost I became in the darkness. I normally wouldn’t be scared of the darkness. Actually I’m not scared of it all. The dark never really bothered me, but tonight it did. I was barely off the last step and back in the parking lot of the Apartment Complex when a loud bang greeted my ears. I didn’t know what it was, nor did I care. It could’ve just been a car backfiring as it started up. All I could feel was fright shooting through me, fear taking a hold of me. It made me scramble back up the three flights of stairs and back outside of Genesis’ apartment.

 In my mind’s eye there was this big shadow chasing after me, drifting around just in my line of vision like a phantom. My heart was beating fast now as I cried for Phil, banging on the door. Pain was starting to shoot up through my arms, but not from my hands coming in contact with the door. They were hurting from the fear gripping my entire body. My chest was growing tight as well. I was having a panic attack. Though I didn’t know it right away.

I was trembling by the time the door opened, but I didn’t wait to see who had opened the door. The second it opened, I launched myself at the person and just cried right then and there.

“The hell? Hina?” came Peter’s voice. It spooked me. When I looked up, I saw him standing there. His dark eyes were narrowed, giving him an angry look. His lips were pursed so tightly together that it looked like they were glued that way. It made me shiver a bit. “I thought you went home!”

“I…I’m sorry, I thought that…” I lost my voice and we stood there for a little bit before the lights flickered on and I saw Charlene coming out of the hallway that led to the bedrooms. She let out a yawn, and blinked blearily at us.

“What’s with all the yelling, Peter?” She asked sleepily, but her sleepy demeanor faded away at seeing me. I saw her lips pull back into a smile. “Hina, you’re back! Phil’s in his bedroom, but he’s not asleep yet.”

I could only blush at Charlie’s words as she said this. She obviously knew that I was hoping to stay over for she was ignoring Peter’s little protests and I found myself being led through the apartment until we stopped outside of Phil’s bedroom. I could tell from the crack at the bottom that he was still awake for light spilled out from his bedroom door, and not to mention we could hear the light beating of drums and the small strums of guitar strings. Charlene just grinned at me.

“He always plays the drums before going to bed. Getting his attention is the hard part. So, just walk on in. I’ll handle Peter.” She said, but Peter shook his head.

“Charles, unless Hina is married to Phil, or is datin’ him, she can’t be stayin’ here. You know that.” Peter said softly to his wife. Charlene just shot him a look and knocked on the door, rather loudly might I add.

“Phil? Phillip! Get your ass off of those drums and answer the door!” the melodious singing stopped and the gentle drumming slowly ceased; the door opened in the next second, but my heart sank at seeing Steve answering the door. He blinked, his squint eyes staring hard.

“Wha’ th’ ‘ell? Hina?” The guitarist sounded surprised to see me. He blinked again. He was obviously a bit drunk. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet as Charlene rolled her eyes. Peter shot Stephen a disapproving look. “Thought ya went home.”

“I thought I did, too, but nope. I’m still here.” I said sarcastically. I glanced over Steve’s shoulder and saw Phil concentrating on his drums. He was doing something with them. “What the hell are you doing in Phil’s room?”

“Can’t two guys have a jamming session?” Steve retorted. Phil finally noticed me and rose off his seat behind his drum set.

“Be nice, Steve.” Phil walked up to the door as Steve just shuffled back over to Phil’s bed. He smiled at seeing me, making my heart jump a bit. “But I do agree wit’, Steve. I thought you went home, Lovie?” he asked, but his smile quickly disappeared at seeing me. I was a trembling mess. My whole body was shaking. “Hina, what’s wrong?”

“I found her knockin’ on the door like a mad person.” Peter replied, arms crossed, “Somethin’ obviously scared her, Phillip. Maybe next time you should walk her home. It is a bit unsafe for women to be walkin’ home,” he smiled a bit at the dark glare that he received from Charlene. “At this time of night, I mean there are rapists, thugs, an’ other creeps out there.”

“It’s not like Jack the Ripper’s out there, waiting for her, Pete.” Charlie said angrily. Pretty soon, both Peter and Charlie were glaring and arguing with each other. Phil gently eased me into the room and out of the line of fire as Charlie slapped Peter. It was kind of shocking actually considering that earlier this evening, they were being so lovey dovey with each other or at least they weren’t acting violent towards each other.

“What the hell?” Me, Phil, and Steve watched as Charlene stormed off, going into Mike’s room. Peter just growled and gripped his hair in frustration.

“That damn brat is always…” the singer just growled again. Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Maybe you should make up?” confusion graced my tone as I suggest this, but the angered look on Peter’s face told me that he and Charlie wouldn’t be making up anytime soon. Peter just glared at me once more before walking off back to his own bedroom. I looked back at Phil and Steve. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t, Lovie.” Phil said, taking one of my hands into his and giving it a gentle squeeze, “Charlie and Pete’re always fightin’ like this. They’ll make up in the mornin’, ‘specially when Charlene’s had a good long talk with Mike.”

I raised an eyebrow at what my friend said and I blinked. “What does Mike have to with this?” I asked him.

Stephen answered this time. Phil’s bed squeaked as he sat down on it; he then picked up his guitar and gently plucked a string on it. “Peter’s like a Cat. ‘e likes beautiful things an’ Charlie happens to be tha’ beautiful thing; so he doesn’ like it went Charlie goes to Mike for support.”

“So, in other words, Peter gets jealous of Mike?” the two men both nodded. I glanced back at the direction that Charlene and Peter had gone before turning my head to Steve and Phil. “But I thought Mike and Charlie were good friends, nothing more than that? I mean the two of them even said they see each other more as brother and sister.” I said softly. “Does Peter not like Mike?”

“Oh, no, he and Mike get along quite well. He likes Mike, it’s just that he’s a bit… overprotective of Charlene – as is Mike, but… it’s hard to explain.” Phil looked away, his face flushing a bit, but I could see he was trying to wrack his brain for the proper way of explaining it to me. I couldn’t help giggling at this. Hearing me giggle made Phil flush more. “What’s so funny?”

“N-nothing. Just seeing you thinking so hard is funny. That’s all.” I muttered, looking away as well. I could feel the heat rising on my skin. The three of us lapsed into silence for a few minutes with Steve plucking the strings on his guitar – or his baby as he called her – until he finally coughed and stood up.

“I think I’ll be goin’ to bed now. We hafta get an early start tomorrow if we don’ want to piss off Peter.” Steve mumbled, getting up now. He held his black guitar to his body and shuffled off out of the room, mumbling an incoherent good-bye to me and Phil.

“Well, this night has certainly been interestin’.” Phil walked over his closet door, opening it, and he soon disappeared into it.

“Would you like to change out of your clothes and into something a little more comfortable ta sleep in?” he asked a little loudly. I found myself standing there, looking and feeling like an idiot with a blush on my face.

“Hina?” I saw the blonde poking his head out of the closet, his blue eyes going to me. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah, nothing’s wrong. I mean – yes, I do… need a change of clothes.” I blushed even more as Phil smiled at me again.

 _Gods! His smile is going to be the death of me._ I felt my heart beat speeding up as I watched Phil disappear back into the closet. I have to admit, Phil really hasn’t changed much since our two years apart. He was still funny, charming, and outgoing. I mean he was a bit shy when we were kids, but that’s only when he first met someone. After a few seconds of being around him, you can’t help, but laugh with him and feel like he was an old friend or something.

I nearly jumped at seeing a folded pair of pants and a shirt being held out to me. My gaze scaled Phil’s arm, only to meet with his eyes and I blushed again. “I hope these sweat pants and this shirt’ll do.” He said softly, handing me a grey pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt. Thanking him, I took the clothes from him and started for the door when he grabbed my arm. “You can change in here, Lovie. Just tell me when you’re done changin’.” Phil kissed my forehead before walking out, shutting the door behind him.

I almost felt relieved to be alone again and yet, being in Phil’s room – no, being here – felt awkward. I bit my lip while slipping out of my skirt and into the sweatpants Phil gave me, but I froze at seeing the black shirt unfurl in my hands as I picked it up. This was the same shirt I wore the last time I spent the night at Phil’s house before leaving for America and that was two years ago. The shirt was a black graphic t-shirt with a wacky picture of The Beatles on the front. Of course he’d give me this shirt. Phil got this shirt from working with The Beatles that one time and he was going to give it to me as a present, but I guess I forgot it or something.

A smile broke across my lips as I stared at the shirt. It was still in good condition. “You stupid idiot.” I uttered to myself, smiling more. I barely had the shirt on when Phil knocked on the door, calling out to me.

“You dressed, Hina?” He asked from the other side of the door.

“Ah, yea, you can come in now, Phil!” the door opened and Phil stepped into the room. He quietly shut the door before turning around and looking at me. The corners of his lips pulled back into a grin as he saw me wearing the shirt. It was kind of big on my small frame to tell you the truth – not that either of us cared.

“Jus’ like last time, eh, Lovie?” Phil teased as he walked up to me. I shrugged, trying my best to suppress my blush.

“If you say so.” I said softly. I shivered as Phil gently took one of my hands and his lips brushed against the palm of my hand. This one action sent a tremor through my spine, making me tremble a bit. A gasp escaped my lips and, well, let’s just says I felt a little light headed. Phil’s blue eyes softened and the smile on his lips grew.

“I’m glad you’re back home in England.” Phil murmured against my hand before releasing it. He quickly coughed into his hand and that goofy grin returned. “Time for bed!”

“R-right.” I mumbled, feeling a bit embarrassed. Phil sat on the edge of the bed closest to the closet. He looked back at me with a smile, but it quickly disappeared as he saw me standing here, looking really nervous. You’d think I was going to sleep with him or something.

“Hina? What’s wrong? We’ve slept in the same bed before.” Concern could be heard in Phil’s voice as he said this; his blue eyes stared at me, shining with the same concern I heard in his voice. Strands of his dark blonde hair fell about the side of his face as he looked up at me. It gave him that adorable little puppy dog look – or would it be a teddy bear look? – Whatever, it made me feel even more nervous and tense then before? “I’m not going to hurt you.”

 _Get a hold of yourself, Hina! You’re not dating and you’re not about to have sex with him. He’s just letting you sleep in his bed with him. You two grew up together. You slept in the same bed as him when you were kids-_ I hate these battles I always had with myself. I always have these kinds of fights whenever Phil was concerned. I know Phil would never do anything to me. I know I can trust him. It’s just that I didn’t trust myself I guess. Or maybe it was that Phil has always been my security blanket since our childhood up until I left two years ago. I’ve gotten used to sleeping in the bed without Phil around. This would be the first time that I’d be sharing the same bed as my best friend in two years.

A squeak passed my lips at feeling Phil grabbing my wrists. He gently led me to the other side of the bed where he had peeled back the top blanket. His lips pulled back into a smile. “It’s safe. I assure you.” He murmured quietly to me.

“Safe?” I repeated just as silently.

“Yes, it’s safe.” He said gently, patting the spot next to him. I slipped under the covers noiselessly and after exchanging a few more words with me, Phil reached over, turning off the lights. I found myself laying there in the darkness, unable to sleep. The only sounds in the bedroom were the rustling noises and the squeaking of the bed as Phil rolled over to be more comfortable. I’ll admit it was a bit unnerving. I never really sleep well when I was in an unfamiliar location. The spooky feeling from earlier was starting to get to me again, resurrecting the same terror from before. And not to mention there was a sense of overwhelming guilt eating at me from the inside out.

I just laid there under the blanket with my eyes closed; I was curled on my side. It’s a good thing I never really cry in my sleep – or at least I could always suppress the urge to cry in front of Phil – for the most part anyways. I breathed in deeply, biting my lip. My hands clenched the bed sheets beneath me. I was starting to shake again. My heart rate began to sky rocket as I laid there. There was another whisper from the blankets and I felt the warmth of Phil’s body radiating from him as he slept while the cold crept in, taking a hold of me.

A gasp escaped my lips at feeling something snake around my waist. My entire body became tense, feeling something breathing against my skin. I’m not going to lie. I felt scared. Goosebumps were appearing up and down my arm, and I could feel a cold chill racing up my spine. But somehow, Phil’s presence kept the dark shadowy demons of my soul at bay as he held me to him. “It’s alright, Hina. I will be here. Don’t you cry?”

“My arms will keep you safe and warm.” Phil’s voice broke through the darkness – almost shattering the wall of dread that had cocooned itself around me. I didn’t realize that I had my eyes closed, but when I opened them, I felt tears running down my cheeks. Somewhere in the middle of being scared, I started weeping and I guess Phil sensed I was frightened for his arms had wound themselves around my waist, pulling me into the safety of his body. A memory seemed to surface from the depths of my heart as I felt his lips press against my temple and his breath ghosting across my skin.

Something like this has happened before. I mean once upon a time, I was afraid and Phil was the one to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright – that he was going to be there for me. How long ago was it that I laid in Phil’s arms like this? How long ago was it that I felt safe and secure? Probably ages. Feeling protected and loved wasn’t familiar to me, but it did become a friend whenever Phil was around.

When I looked over my shoulder, I saw him staring down at me and it was then that I sort of lost control of myself. I rolled over onto my back and stared up into his eyes. There was a strangely familiar warmth in my friend’s eyes – one that made me want to reach out and touch him. This was looking more and more like a dream. As I sat there looking at Phil, he slowly leaned in and his lips brushed over mine, capturing me in a gentle kiss. It didn’t last long, but it was enough to stir up my old feelings for him – ones that have been dormant for the past two years.

“I love you, Hina; I’ve been loving you since we were kids.” He sighed into my lips and nipped them again. I couldn’t help, but return his kiss. More tears started to flow. Unable to control myself any longer, I reached up and touched the side of his face. My fingers brushed against the little wisps of the beard he was starting to grow out. For a couple of nineteen year olds, we were pretty dorky and this, this whole mess I was in right now seemed like some kind of cheesy fairytale, but I’d much rather believe in some kind of tacky cliché fairytale with Phil being my Knight in Shining Armor than wake up to the pathetic life I’ve been living for the past two years.

My heart was beating fast in my chest now. A smile tugged at the corners my lips from the happiness dancing through me at this very moment. The words soon left my mouth before I could even think them. “I love you, too.”

Sure things seemed to be moving fast, but I think I preferred it this way. Many of our friends back in high school often thought we’d end up getting married – or at least being engaged – before graduation. Of course, they were partially right. Phil and I dated briefly back in high school and right at the end – right before I was forced to move to America with my parents – we were planning on running away and eloping, but of course, while Phil’s parents were supportive of our decision, my mom went ballistic – as did my dad, and I was ripped from Phil and taken to America. Even after Dad gave me his blessing to move in with Phil and his parents, Mom still found some way of pulling me back into her tyranny and she swayed Dad to do it all.

My eyes went wide at feeling his mouth against the hollow of my throat. Strands of his dark blond hair tickled my flesh as he held me close. To be honest, I didn’t know when it had happened. In the middle of my train of thought and Phil’s kisses, Phil started to nip at my skin and I found myself lying underneath him. His button up shirt had been unbuttoned, revealing his chest underneath. I felt my entire body tensing up as he reached my collarbone. Phil lifted his head and gazed down at me.

“Tell me to stop and I will, Lovie.” He whispered quietly.

  _Curse him for making me love him so much!_

“Do you want me to stop right now?” Phil asked in a soft voice that was barely above a whisper. My heart was beating fast in my chest at this point, but for some reason, I didn’t care. This would be my first time, but I’d much rather have Phil be my first than anyone else. At least then I would be losing my virginity to someone who loves me and respects me – someone I feel affections for.

I blinked and stared back at him. I admit, I was shaking a bit, but I wasn’t going to back out – not now. Reaching up for him, I slipped my arms around his neck and pulled him back down, burying my face into his neckline. “No, don’t ever stop! Don’t stop loving me, Phillip, please?” tears were burning at my eyes from me blinking them back, but they fell anyways. Each one was for all the seconds that I had spent away from Phil. All the pain was beginning to disappear now as he grinned at me.

I felt his finger tips gently combing against my sides as his hands trailed down to my hips. He gently lifted my shirt up, slowly pulling it up over my head and arms. Once the chilly air of the room touched my bare skin, I shivered and immediately shrank away from him with a furious blush. I could’ve sworn my heart stopped dead in my rib cage. But my pulse was beginning to race faster than ever and my palms were getting sweaty.

His lips bent back into a smile against my collar bone before tracing the contour of my neck to my shoulder. Another tender bite to my skin made me squeak as his fingers slipped into my pants, hooking themselves into my underwear, softly curling around the band before easing the two said garments over my hips. I couldn’t help, but feel nervous about all of this, but there was no turning back now. The sheer act of seeing Phil removing his shirt, unbuckling his belt, shedding the rest of his clothes, and tossing them over his shoulder made my cheeks flush red with embarrassment. Phil just laughed and kissed me lightly on the forehead as he settled himself back into position with my legs resting gently on either side of him.

“What’s wrong, Hina? You’re actin’ like you’ve never had sex before.” His voice – the tone of his voice made me redden even more and not to mention it actually made me feel like an idiot. His words stung, cutting into my heart. His smile disappeared as I pulled away from him and started to get up. “Hina? Where are you goin’?” there was a momentary pause before he spoke again, this time surprise – or maybe it was shock? – moved stealthily into his voice.”You’re still a vir-“

“Don’t say it, Phillip David Charles Collins!” I yelled angrily. My heart was beating rapidly once more, making my pulse race with anger. It was embarrassing for my own best friend, my boyfriend, to know that I’ve never had sex before. I frowned at seeing Phil’s smile returning and I growled. “Fuck you. You’ve probably fucked a thousand women, and that probably means I’m nothing more than just a fucking fling to you.” I was mad. I was jumping to conclusions again, but I couldn’t help it. Phil’s charismatic, flirty, and outgoing ways made me feel a little insecure about myself.

I mean back in high school, I used feel jealous over those pretty girls that would have Phil’s attention. Whenever one of those girls – any girl – laughed with him or talked to him, I would make some lame excuse to get Phil’s attention. Sometimes I would force myself to cry. Other times I would scream in fright, pretending to have seen a spider or a bug or something. Hell, I’ve even warded off that Andrea Bartorelli girl back when Phil was in a band with her back in the day. She was one of the only girls who came so close to being the love of Phil’s life… until I intruded of course. Those were the days…

I nearly jumped at feeling one of his hands grabbing me by the wrist, preventing me from getting up or doing anything other than looking back at him. His hand felt warm compared to my cold skin and despite him having strong drummer hands, Phil barely added any pressure to his grip on me. I wasn’t even sure if he was actually holding onto me. All I know was that his hand was touching my wrist. When I looked up at him, I found myself feeling even more irritated. Phil was never one for forcing anything onto anyone – let alone me.

“You’re wrong about that, Lovie.” He said softly. Phil gently pulled me back into him and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You would be the first girl – the first woman – that I’d be sleepin’ with; I’ve never slept anyone – not even Cheryl.”

I almost wanted to say that he was lying, but the look in Phil’s eyes, on his face, and the sound of his voice held a lot of conviction. He wouldn’t – couldn’t – lie to me. My heart started to beat again. I just looked away. I didn’t want him to see the tears threatening to fall. I hated feeling this insecure about myself.

_Damn it!_

Phil just chuckled and kissed my temple, beginning to rain kisses upon my face as he guided me back to the bed where he proceeded to trail kisses down my body once more. 

“Why are you so damn nice to me, Phillip?” I whispered, burying my face into his neck, my fingers gripping his arms tightly.

“Because I love you.” Was all I heard from him before giving into my emotions and allowing him to consume me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> 1\. "Loving You is Sweeter Than Ever" - The chapter title is a song from Phil's last album, Going Back.  
> 2\. Andrea Bartorelli - Phil's first wife and she was in a band with him when they were in school.


	4. Good Morning, Good Morning!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina observes everyone during breakfast and a baby shopping experience with Charlie gets Hina to reveal something to Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally split up into two chapters, the second being titled: For Absent Friends, which is named after the song by the same name, and with the second half of this chapter that was going to be a separate chapter would've been a scene where Hina hears Phil singing For Absent Friends in the recording studio.

I was walking through a dense fog. It felt cold, but tell you the truth, I could not do anything about it. All I did was keep on walking. The further I walked in the darkness of the mist, the more I felt pressure bearing down on me. It felt a little scary to tell you the truth. I did not know where I was going. I could not actually see anything in front of me let alone my hands. There was not anything below me or above me. There was just darkness accompanied with a densely heavy fog. This mist or fog was the only thing that I could see around me.

 I felt something brushing gently against my side as I ventured further into this blank, empty space. It did not spook me or anything. It was rather soothing actually. The next to come was a gentle murmuring streaming through the air. A quiet voice was calling to me, whispering my name. I could not quite place the voice, but the haze was beginning to disappear now; it was starting to part and everything was becoming brighter, causing the bleak darkness to fade away into nothingness.

I opened my eyes, only to be greeted by a gentle kiss to my forehead. I only blinked twice for my blurry vision to fix itself. I could see a drum set tucked away in one corner of the room with a pair of pants hung across the front side of the set along with a shirt slung across one of the cymbals. The sunlight was filtering through the nearby window. It only took me a second to realize that I was not at home. I blinked again and tilted my head upwards to look up into a pool of blue eyes surrounded by soft sandy blonde hair.

His lips curled back into a smile as he held me even closer.

“Sleep well?” Phil asked me quietly. His hand gently rubbed my arm, his fingers barely grazing the skin.

I inhaled as I nodded, allowing my cheek to rest back against his shoulder. Despite the disorientation and being in a sleepy state, I actually felt completely at peace right now. Phil just stayed there, rubbing my arm gently. It was completely silent in the apartment aside from the soft murmurings and movement of the others waking up. The peace didn’t last for too long because the sound of a loud knock on Phil’s door startled me, bringing me out of my sleepy stupor.

“Up and at’em, Phillip!” Tony’s voice broke through the soft murmurings of the commotion outside the bedroom and the strong silence within.

Phil chuckled at me groaning softly and burying my face back into the crook of his neck.

“Why can’t we just stay here for a little while longer?” I mumbled. Phil gave me a good squeeze as he kissed my temple.

“Because we always wake up early. If we didn’t, Peter would flip.” Phil whispered quietly to me. I felt him shift a bit under me and I soon found myself being pinned under the drummer with his knees tangled up in my legs and one of his hands holding me down by the wrist. “But if you want, we can stay in bed and miss breakfast.”

“I wasn’t hungry anyways.” I said softly. He raised an eyebrow at my words, his lips curling into a Cheshire grin. Pinning me down like this was really cheesy, but that’s how Phil was. Phil always liked the more traditional ways of expressing love. Cheesy love poems, roses, chocolates. He used all of those to court me and a few other girls. It’s just his way of doing things.

“Not even for scrambled eggs?” his breath ghosted across my skin as he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, starting to trail downs the side of my face.

“Nope. I don’t like scrambled eggs. You know that.” I replied. I shivered at feeling his lips barely grazing my jaw line as Phil breathed in deeply. My free hand gripped his arm tightly.

“What about pancakes? You like those.” Phil hummed softly into the side of my face.

“Still not hungry.”

Phil finally pulled back a bit, only to kneel lightly on my legs. His blue eyes blinked as he kept my arm pinned over my head against the pillow.

“Surely, you’re kiddin’, Hina? You’re not hungry at all?” he asked in confusion. I shook my head.

“Not even for Chocolate Chip Pancakes? ‘Cause that’s what Mike’s maki-“

I bolted upright, accidentally getting Phil in the jaw with my head, which left me with a sore spot on the top of my forehead.

“Sorry, Phil. Sorry!” I rubbed my head, but frowned at seeing Phil flinching a bit from his hand instinctively going to his chin.

“It’s alright, lovie. It was an accident.” His smile melted my heart.

_Damn! Why did he have to be so damn nice?!_

I couldn’t help feeling like Phil was still in pain. Anyone getting hit in the jaw would be hurting for quite awhile, but I had no time to worry about my lover’s pain because as soon as I sat up, the pain from last night’s activities returned and I felt myself cringing. The pain shot up from my in between my thighs and up to my lower stomach. It felt like someone had punched me repeatedly in the abdomen or maybe it just felt like another menstrual cramp, only worse.

His smile faltered at seeing the painful look gracing my face. He reached out a hand and touched my face gently. “Are you alright, Hina?” Phil asked quietly, his voice barely a above a whisper. I just nodded and shifted into a less painful position or at least tried to anyways. I saw his frown deepen and I shook my head, trying to dismiss the pain and the worry coming from him.

“I’m fine, Phil, you don’t need to bother with me. It’s just the pain of... it’s supposed to hurt for the girl, right? Well, then it’s a good kind of pain,” I was rambling at this point. I wanted to get Phil’s mind off of me – well, my suffering, but the look in his blue eyes told me that he wasn’t going to stop worrying about me. Just last night, Phil kept fretting over the thought of hurting me during sex. I had to sort of curse at him to keep going. It was all worth it in the end, I think and he seems to think so, too.

“Ok, if you say so.” the blonde whispered. He leaned back into me and his lips brushed lightly over mine. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”

\--

It didn’t take us long get dressed for the day. The smell of bacon cooking and chocolate greeted me as soon as we came out of his bedroom. The delicious aroma was beginning to make my mouth to water. Steve was the first to notice us when we entered the living room.

Now that it was light out or at least no longer dark, I could see the apartment as a whole. A soft brown leather sofa sat in the middle of the living, which, while branching off the hallway that led to the bedrooms, connected to the small kitchen and dining room. A guitar stand stood next to a medium sized television set. There were two guitars on the stand actually – Steve’s [i]baby[/i] and Mike’s bass guitar, and of course, a small pair of drums - bass drums, I think were sitting on the other side. A small chair sat in one corner with a book shelf almost directly behind.

The room as a whole gave off a warm, friendly feeling. He walls were a soft hue of yellow and brown, and the carpet was even a light shade of the earthy tones.

I couldn’t help wondering if the boys made the apartment like this or if it was already like this.

“Well, it’s about time you came out of there and joined us.” Steve said, looking at us from over the edge of his coffee cup.

“Shut up, Steven.” I muttered as I took a seat next to Phil.

“It’s Stephen, not Steven.” The guitarist took another sip of his drink before placing the cup into the sink.

“Whatever.” A yawn escaped my lips and I blinked, now at staring at everyone in the room. Charlie was sitting next to Peter, cuddled into his side. They were whispering to each other while Mike looked through an old looking notebook. Tony was getting some more cups – for me and Phil no doubt.

“Coffee, Hina?” Tony’s voice broke though the silence of the room and I shook my head at the offered coffee.

“I don’t drink coffee.” I said softly.

“I’ll take some!” Charlie’s lips broke out into a grin and she held up the glass that had been sitting next to her plate.

“You’re not allowed to have anything with Caffeine in it, Charles.” Peter mumbled, putting a hand on her arm. His calm words made his wife’s smile disappear and she glared at him.

“Even if I’m craving it? Even if the baby is craving it?” she asked.

“Don’t start that crap again, Charlene! You don’t need any kind of caffeine because it’ll make you irritable and I’m already letting you eat a bunch of unhealthy shit that you’re not supposed to be havin’ in the first place!”

I saw Charlie’s cheeks puff out in annoyance, making her seem younger than she looked. It was really astonishing to see Peter and Charlie get along one minute and then snap at each other the next. I blinked, not knowing what to do or say as the husband and wife glared at each other.

Mike intervened at this point. He closed the notebook and grabbed Peter’s wife by the shoulders before she could say another word.

“Charles, Peter was jus’ sayin’ that ‘cause he’s worried ‘bout the baby.” Charlene’s face fell, but her friend continued on, addressing Peter next, “Pete, Charlie was kiddin’ an’ lettin’ her have some coffee won’t hurt her.”

Peter opened his mouth, but closed it under Tony’s stern gaze.

“I dare the two of ya to say a word.” Tony’s statement made even me shiver. The keyboardist made the couple stay silent as he spoke again. “The two of you ‘ave been arguing and fightin’ like children for the past few days. Either kiss and make up or take a little break from each other.”

Those words stung, but the look on Charlie’s face was pure fright. Her green eyes went wide and she grabbed onto her husband’s arm. Peter glared at Tony, wrapping an arm around his wife’s waist.

“We’re not going to separate.” The singer said this calmly as if to ease Charlene’s fears. I can hear the iciness of his tone as he said this. Even his face shone with the same icy demeanor. It was kind of frightening considering that Tony and Peter are best friends.

“That’s what I thought.” Tony said softly, all the seriousness leaving him. But his eyes were still narrowed. “Now let’s enjoy the rest of our breakfast in peace – Hina, do you have something to add to this? Is there something you’d like to say?”

My body tensed at hearing him asking me that. I could feel my heart racing. I shook my head. “Ah, no, not really.” I mumbled, “I mean Peter and Charlene – Charlie are both worried about the baby, so, maybe we should all be a little more understanding?”

Heat rose on my cheeks and for a split second, I thought Peter and Charlie were going to yell at me, and that Tony was going to jump down my throat as well, but they didn’t. They just smiled and soon laughter erupted into the air, only I wasn’t laughing.

Phil pulled me to him and kissed my cheek. “Well put, Hina.”

“Well said indeed.” Peter said softly as Phil placed a plate of pancakes between us.

Charlie’s eye went wide again at seeing the stack of Pancakes. “Damn, Phillip! Are you going to make Hina eat all of those pancakes?” she asked.

“Uh, what?” I stared at the pancakes myself. There were at least twelve delicious looking chocolate chip pancakes stacked on the plate. Phil shook his head with a laugh and a big grin.

“Of course not. These’re for both of us.” He said as he placed a few onto my plate. I blinked again. These pancakes even smelled appetizing.

“You can have my bacon and I’ll eat all of the pancakes, Phil.” I said this out loud without thinking and Phil laughed again.

“Sorry, Hina, but you got to share with Me.” my boyfriend said softly. He reached for another pancake when I slapped his hand away.

“The bloody…Hina!” Phil stammered, staring at me with an incredulous stare.

Charlie laughed into Peter’s shoulder as I smiled

“You put these next to me, so, I’m going to eat’em all.” I replied.

“Bloody hell.” Stephen muttered from Phil’s other side. “You’re really goin’ ta eat all of them?”

I shrugged. “I’ll share them if Phil says the magic word.”

“Magic word?” Phil raised an eyebrow, his smile fading a bit.

“Yes, the _magic word_.”

“And what’s the _magic word_?” he asked curiously.

“You know the magic word.”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t. Remind me again what it is.”

“Alright.”

“What is it?”

“Please.” I answered.

“Please what?” Phil asked.

“Please may I have some pancakes.” I said this in response and Phil smiled once more.

“You already have some.” Phil said with a grin.

  
“Phillip!” I couldn’t keep myself from laughing at how he twisted up the conversation. He really knew his way around me that’s for sure. Phil just smiled as he helped himself to some of the pancakes.

“You’re not the only one who likes pancakes, Lovie.”

I just blew a raspberry at Phil and made a stab at his pancakes with my fork. “You’ll still share with me though.” I quickly stuffed the bite of pancakes into my mouth before my boyfriend could protest and Phil just laughed again. I guess this was the start of my newfound – or old – relationship with Phil. I was starting to feel at home with everyone as we all chattered away about whatever entered our minds. Genesis’ music, everyone’s plans for today, the weather, everything seemed to become mindless chatter until Charlie spoke, only she looked at Peter with her green eyes, giving him a puppy dog look.

“Peter, sweetheart.” Charlene began in a quiet tone. Her husband looked down at her as she snuggled into his side, placing her arms around his waist. Peter just chuckled and gave her a light hug.

“What’s on your mind, Charles?” he asked quietly back at her.

“Sweetheart?” I echoed softly, glancing at Phil as Charlie started to kiss Peter in a flirty way. I saw Phil shrug his shoulders, but it was Steve who leaned in and whispered to me.

“Charlie’s try’na get on Peter’s good side, but for what, I don’ really know.” The guitarist whispered to me, “Prolly for another shoppin’ spree.” Steve yelped at feeling Mike hitting him on the back of the head. I could see his lips turning into a frown as he glared at the taller man, rubbing the sore spot on his head. “What? I was jus’ sayin’ the truth!”

Charlie broke from the kiss with Peter and turned her head to stare at us. Some of her red curls fell over the bridge of her nose as she blinked at Steve. She obviously didn’t hear what Steve told me. “Are you alright, Steve?” the girl asked, trying to stifle a giggle as Peter tried to tickle her a bit. She squealed, jumping in her seat. “Peter!”

Peter just smirked and continued tickling her “Ya got to tell me what you were going to ask me if ya want me to stop,” the singer said with a grin. He used one hand to keep Charlie from falling out of her seat as he continued his playful assault.

“A-alright! P-peter! S-stop!” Charlene squeaked. She soon fell off the edge of her seat, but Peter had quickly caught her and brought her into his lap, cursing under his breath.

“Sorry, Charles. I didn’t mean to do all of that.” He said quietly, cradling her against his body. His chin rested on top of her head as he rocked her bit. He then looked down at his wife. “Did you want to ask me something?” he asked gently.

She nodded with a weak smile, her hand gripping the front of his shirt. “Can we go baby shopping?”

\--

The little homely arts and crafting store were really quiet, but it was somewhat busy. Elderly people and the young artsy folks were running around, peeking at the various homemade trinkets. There were even a lot of hippy trinkets – necklaces of the peace sign, tie dye head wraps, you name it. I just bit my lip, crossing my arms in front of my chest as Charlene went about, shifting through some quilts and blankets that were hanging from a nearby shelf. I may not be into all this artsy stuff, but some of these blankets and trinkets looked pretty.

“It seems like her maternal instincts come out whenever we come into this store.” Peter’s soft voice made me shiver a bit and I almost glared at him. He has quite a talent for sneaking up on me. His eyebrows furrowed a bit as he gave me an apologetic smile. “Did I frighten you? Sorry, Ducky.”

“Ah, it’s ok. I was…spacing out anyways.” I mumbled. My gaze flickered over to Phil who was boredly looking over some homemade stuff animals on the other side of the shop. I felt Peter shift on his feet from beside me as he crossed his arms as well. “Aren’t you supposed to be helping Charlie?” I asked him.

The singer shrugged his shoulders and gave me a faint smile. “I got chased away by Charlie when I tried helpin’ with choosin’ a baby blanket. She’s very picky about the colors and softness of the blankets. She even arranged our – my – bedroom to her liking when she first found out she was expecting.”

I just blinked as an image in my head. I could hear the imaginary voices of Peter and Charlene inside my head, yelling, fighting, as they argued over how to coordinate their bedroom. And just like in real life, Tony and Mike were the ones to help settle the matter. “I bet it was World War III.” I said after a few seconds of the image playing in my mind.

Peter chuckled a bit. His blue gaze went to me. “Not really. Believe it or not, Charles and I agree on most things. I allowed her to repaint the room and decorate it to her likin’. As long as she didn’t mess with the one corner that I have set up as my little study o’ course.” His voice was soft and gentle. You could really tell that Peter adored Charlie. Even his eyes were shining with the same affection. His long brown hair stopped just past his shoulders, curling a bit around his jaw line and face.

I opened my mouth to respond when the two of us heard Charlie squeal. Everyone, in our group, seemed to stop what they were doing and flock to the red haired woman. Her red curly hair peeked out from under her hat as her green eyes went wide with fascination. Peter was the first to speak to her.

“Charles, what’s wrong?” his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he gently reached out and touched her shoulder. “Love?”

His wife unfurled what appeared to be a light pink quilt, revealing a pattern with two baby horses – foals – laying next to a large mare. They almost looked those wild mustangs that could be found around the west part of the United States. Charlie seemed to be glowing with happiness as she showed the quilt to Peter. “Looky what I found, Peter! Isn’t cute?”

Peter just chuckled softly, his worried expression giving away to a warm and loving look. He gently squeezed her shoulder with a smile. “It’s very cute, Charlie.” Peter said softly. He then kissed her forehead.

Steve just rolled his eyes as he readjusted his glasses to sit better on his face. “You decided to squeal because of a blanket? We thought ya were in trouble or something’.” the guitarist said irritably. His words received a glare from Peter, but he ignored it and continued to stare at Charlie.

Charlene held the blanket to her chest. Her eyes seemed to narrow as she glared back at him. “Just because I squealed doesn’t mean [i]you[/i] had to come to my rescue. You didn’t even have to come with us in the first place!” I cringed at hearing the angry tone in Charlie’s voice and her cheeks puffed out in the usual childish manner. It really did make her look like a child.

Steve was about to respond, but being hit in the back of the head by Tony silenced him, leaving the man grumbling to himself and rubbing the sore spot on his head. “Jaysus. That hurt, Anthony.” He mumbled. 

“I’ll do more to you than what he did if you don’t shut it, Stephen.” Peter’s blue eyes narrowed, but the stern gaze from Tony also silenced him.

Tony just ran a hand through his own brown locks, his gaze going to me. “I apologize for these boys, Hina; they’re on edge and very irritable lately.” He stammered. I felt everyone’s eyes fly to me, causing me to shift uncomfortably on my feet.

“Speak for yerself.” Steve muttered again, looking down to the ground now.

“It’s alright, Tony; this is just a normal everyday routine for everyone, right? And it’s bound to happen among band mates – friends, even. Friends don’t always have to get along.” I whispered. Heat was rising on my cheeks, but feeling Phil’s presence made me calm down instantly. My boyfriend’s hand gently rubbed my arm as he held me to his side.

“Exactly.” The pianist replied. Tony’s stern gaze flickered to Steve, daring him to say another word of complaint. His friend just crossed his arms in a grumpy manner. “Anyways, at least you don’t ‘ave to deal wit’ this lot day in and day out.” His words held a light teasing tone, but it was more annoyed than anything.

“I believe we’re all stuck wit’ this madness until we either disband or we all kill each other.” Phil chimed in with a laugh, but Charlie must’ve taken his disband portion of the comment to heart for she immediately threw her arms around Mike and Peter, pulling them to her.

“No! No breaking up! If this band was to break up now, I’ll cry my heart out!” even the woman’s tone sounded upset. She looked like she was ready to cry.

I saw Peter’s lips curl into a frown and his arms snaked around Charlie’s waist, pulling her into his body while Mike just rubbed her shoulder. “We’re not breakin’ up, Charlie. Phil meant it as a joke, love.” the man said to his wife.

Charlene relaxed in Peter’s embrace, tangling her fingers into his jacket. “Good because it’s too soon for our family to break up and we’ve already lost four members of our little gang. I’d hate to lose anymore.”

“It’s ok, Charlie – wait! [i]Four[/i]?” I stared at the entire group, blinking my eyes in confusion. I remember Mike and Tony mentioning someone named Anthony Phillips, but what about the other three?

Mike smiled this time and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Before Steve an’ Phil came along, we had Ant and Chris wit’ us. Chris left before we got outta school cos his parents refused ta let’im abandon his education. So, we got John Silver to replace him an’ then after him it was John Mayhew, but he wasn’t any good – actually I thought he was a decent drummer – but we kicked him out an’ there’s no tellin’ what ‘appened ta him. The last I heard, John Silver moved ta Spain or somethin’ an’ the other John jus’ went somewhere.” Mike frowned at the mentioning of Mayhew and stroked his chin, “None o’em was bad lads.”

“What about Ant? Why did he leave the band?” I asked curiously. My gaze went to Peter as he coughed a bit. The singer smiled weakly, but Charlie answered my question before he could.

“Anthony had a huge case of stage fright and he left the band at the suggestion of his doctor.” Charlie’s voice cracked and she bit her lip. She was trying not to cry. Peter just hugged her even more tightly, trying to comfort her. “I really miss him, too.”

“Why should you be so worried ‘bout who’s in this band an’ who isn’t? It’s not as if yer a member, Cha-“ Steve’s words were cut off by Tony grabbing the guitarist in a headlock, the keyboardist’s lips pulling back into a frown.

“That’s enough, Stephen. Jus’ keep your mouth shut before you get into more trouble.” He said sternly.

I blinked again, but I frowned as well. Charlie looked beyond upset at hearing Steve say that. “I believe Charlie cares because she’s been with Genesis since the beginning,” Peter’s silent nod confirmed my statement.

“Ant was my and Charlie’s best friend from school. It was Charlie’s idea for all of us ta form the band in the first place.” Mike added. I found that piece of information be interesting and I looked at him.

“Really?” I turned my gaze to the red haired woman.

“You really brought the boys together?” I asked.

Charlie just nodded from Peter’s arms, sniffling a bit as her husband wiped away some of her tears. “I sort of did. One night, I just gathered my courage to visit Peter and Tony, and I asked them, and their friend, Chris, to sit with me, Mike, and Ant at lunch the next day. All of us just sort of became close from then on.”

“And if it weren’t for your silly suggestion, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you better and fall in love with you.” Peter teased. His fingers held onto the sides of Charlie’s face as he looked into her eyes.

“Peter…” I looked away as they shared a kiss. It was both heartwarming and awkward.

I nearly jumped at Phil kissing my cheek with a smile. “What’s a matter? Feeling uncomfortable about public display of affection?” He teased a bit.

I blew a raspberry at my boyfriend, sticking my tongue out in the process. “Of course not, I just wanted to give them some privacy. Staring is deemed rude, isn’t it?” I asked playfully, but Phil just grinned and hugged me.

“You silly girl.”

“Alright, so, who wants ice cream?” Charlie’s voice broke through the awkward moment between all of us. Everyone just stared at her in mild surprise. Charlie was hugging into Peter’s side. One begging look to her husband was all it took for him to cave in. A smile tugged at Peter’s lips and he nodded.

“Alright, we can all go to that new ice cream Shoppe, but no getting’ into an ice cream fight wit’ Mike again, alright?” Peter Gabriel looked at his wife, raising an eyebrow. “Charles? You got that?”

“Yes, I do. I understand, [i]Bossman.[/i]” she then saluted him and grabbed onto his arm, “Let’s go! I’m craving some chocolate chip ice cream with some sprinkles on it!”

“We could a just had some ice cream at home.” Steve said as we all headed to the checkout counter.

Charlie made a face of disgust and shook her head. “Butter Pecan? No, thank you! The last time I ate that stuff, it made me feel queasy and that was just from the little bit I shared with Peter.”

“Ya jus’ don’ know what’s good, Charles.” Peter said in a liltingly teasing tone. Again he was greeted with a raspberry.

“Yes, I do. Chocolate Chip ice cream with rainbow sprinkles or how about some strawberry flavored ice cream with gummy bears?” I laughed at seeing Charlie’s eyes lighting up at her own suggestion and she licked her lips. She acted so much like a little kid where ice cream is concerned.

\---

All seven of us crammed ourselves in the booth of the Ice Cream Shoppe with me and Charlie in the middle, Phil and Peter one either side of us. Mike and Tony were on Peter’s other side and Steve was on the other side of Phil. It looked kind of awkward, but at least the booth could fit us all. The music playing in the background was quite soothing. It was another song by The Beatles, not that anyone really cared because it seems like my generation loves The Beatles. Charlie turned to me after the waitress left with our orders. Her lips curled back into a grin.

“Alright, Hina, let’s hear your and Phil’s story!” The redhead said cheerfully. I felt my cheeks coloring and I bit my lip.

“What’s there to tell? Me and Phil are childhood friends. The end.” I murmured. Phil laughed from beside me and squeezed me tightly.

“Come on, Hina, there’s more to us than just that.” The drummer rested an arm across my shoulders, while resting his chin on one of my shoulder. “I can tell ya the story if ya want, Charlie.” My boyfriend’s lips curled back into a grin at seeing me blowing a raspberry at him.

“I don’t think there’s much tell of two best childhood friends who fell in love during their teenage years, Phillip.” I added. But Charlie seemed to think differently for from Peter’s arms she shook her head. Again, she laced her fingers through Peter’s with a smile.

“Oh, come on, Hina. It shouldn’t be that bad. I mean you and Phil are obviously really close.” Her words made me blush. “So, care to tell us? Or would you rather have Phil spill the beans?” Charlie asked. The woman gently nudged me and winked at Phil, making him laugh again.

I frowned a bit and pulled out of Phil’s grip. Phil’s laughter was short-lived and he looked at me. “Hina?” My boyfriend began curiously.

“I don’t think you’ll like this tale, Charlie – none of you will.” I ignored Phil, my gaze flickering between Charlie and the rest of Phil’s friends.

“Good then, ya don’t hafta tell us an’ we can go back home.” Steve stood up, but Tony pulled the guitarist back down.

“For Christ’s sake, Stephen. Show some respect, will you?” Tony shot him a glare before looking to me. He reached across the table and gently touched my hand. “Hina, you really don’t have to tell us an’thin’, but Charlie won’t stop buggin’ you ‘bout it ‘til you tell us. So, you and Phil might as tell us.” He said softly.

I glanced back at Phil, who frowned even more. The drummer scratched the side of his jaw, his blue gaze locking with mine. “I don’t think our story’s that saddening, Lovie.” Phil whispered to me.

“It is if we start from the very beginning.” I replied. Charlie shifted in her seat, now placing her hands into her lap. Her green eyes stared at me, urging me and Phil to start. I finally took in a deep breath, mentally preparing myself before beginning the story. “To start things off, our moms were best friends way back when and you guys must already know that I and Phil grew up together.”

“Were?” Charlie echoed. Her eyes blinked. “What happened to them?”

“I witnessed an incident where Miss Sarah hit Hina. I wasn’t sure if ‘twas an accident or not, but Hina was in some real pain, so, I told my Mum an’ she an’ Dad took Hina an’ Hughes outta there.” Phil explained as the Waitress came back. She set all of our respective orders onto the table before leaving again. Phil picked up his milkshake and took a sip of it. A question look graced our friends’ faces and I took over at the moment.

“Hughes is my twin brother and he was also in one of Phil’s old bands from school.” I said softly. I kept my gaze onto my ice cream Sunday. All of my appetite had left me the second Phil mentioned my deceased twin. I could feel tears burning at my eyes but I suppressed them as I continued on. “Hughes and I went back to home after awhile, but Miss June and Mom broken off their friendship because of that incident. I don’t really remember it myself. Nor do I want to. Things continued like that for many years with my Dad not really paying any attention to it.” I saw Charlie gripping her ice cream cone. Peter had pick up a napkin and gently take the half broken cone out of her hand.

“Easy, Charles.” I heard him whisper to the red haired woman. His wife just shook her head.

“Why the hell didn’t he just put a stop to it? I mean your mom – she, she’s not fit to be a mother!”

A dry laugh escaped my lips and rested my arms onto the table. “My mom’s really manipulative. She can get Dad to do just about anything as long as it doesn’t attract any unwanted attention from the authorities.” I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, “But I didn’t really care anyways, because I spent most of my time at the Collins’ house. I don’t know how many times I stayed over Phil’s house, seeking sanctuary.”

I allowed Phil to slip his arm around me again. He drew me back into him and kissed my temple. “Mum and Dad wanted ta keep ya safe, remember?” He asked quietly. I nodded.

“So, what happened next?” Peter asked quietly. His blue gaze stared at us intently. He obviously wanted to hear the rest or maybe he just wanted us to get the story over with before Charlie broke out into tears or something.

“Several years passed, the three of us – Phil, Hughes, and I – entered that Art School – I can’t really remember properly, but it was a Musical and Theater Arts school. Anyways, I started falling hard for Phil, but I’ve never really knew that I was in love with him until we turned fifteen when my brother decided to pull that little prank that resulted in me and Phil sharing our first kiss. But what really made us come together was the Vietnam War.”  I breathed in deeply, forcing myself to continue on. “Hughes got it into his head that he could do much more serving in the War in Vietnam than becoming a doctor or becoming a musician. But he and Mama were sort of having a falling out as well, so, on the eve of our sixteenth birthday, Hughes woke me up and took me to Phil’s house. I can’t remember much of what went on that night, but my brother left, telling me to stay with Phil and his parents. Then he joined the troops in Vietnam.”

“Did you stay with Phil?” Mike asked from over top his own milkshake.

“Yep, I did.” I answered.

“With a lot of shit from her Mum trying to bring her home.” Phil said sourly. His eyes narrowed at the memory, but he forced himself to smile weakly. It was his turn to tell the next part. “Hughes died a year later an’ Hina became broken up ‘bout it, so, my family kept her with us. We was goin’ to elope at the end of our school years when we turned seventeen, but Sarah forced her to go to America with her.”

There was a clatter of glasses and bowls as all of us finished our ice cream and milkshakes – though I had barely touched mine. Charlie sniffled a bit and dabbed at her eyes with a napkin that Peter handed to her. “How the hell can anyone do that to their child? That’s… Hina! You don’t have to stay with them anymore! You can move in with us!” she grabbed my arm and gave me a pleading look.

“You can stay in Phil’s room! And-and no one will bother you!”

I just laugh nervously and I bit my lip again. My gaze flickered to Phil. His smile disappeared instantly. “Yeah, about that…”

“About what?” Phil asked, tilting his head a bit.

I started to taste the blood on my tongue now as I bit harder into my lip. Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and opened them. My lips parted and the words came tumbling out of my mouth faster than I could think them. “My parents are in America – not here in England. I sort of…ran away…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference Notes  
> 1\. Good Morning, Good Morning - The title of this chapter is a song reference to the Beatles' song by the same name.  
> 2\. Anthony Phillips - One of the original founding members of Genesis, who left right after the Trespass album was released. He played the guitar. He left due to stage fright. He also went to school with Peter, Mike, and Tony.


	5. For Absent Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina reveals why she returned to England.

It seemed like an eternity as the seven of us sat there in the deafening silence. The only ones making noise were the people in the background – the ones who were continuing their lives without a single care in the world and the music of the Ice Cream Shoppe trailing from the juke box at the back of the room. I could sense his blue eyes staring hard at me as Peter gently eased Charlene to his side. Phil wore a sad yet angry expression on his face. His blue eyes were narrowed a bit, but despite that, he still had that sad look in his eyes.

“Hina, what do ya mean ya ran away?” he asked simply. His tone was a bit cold, but it didn’t affect me much. But his eyes watched me. All of them were watching me. Charlie just gripped Peter’s arm as he settled her into his lap and of course Peter was watching us carefully. Possibly to make sure things don’t get out of hand of course.

Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes, trying my best to keep myself from crying. I thought that I had done all of my crying last night when I was in the safety of his arms. I could feel his gaze burning into me, seeking the answers within my soul. I opened my eyes a few seconds later. Thank God for Phil being so patient – which his mother had instilled into him at an early age. But it was still unnerving having Charlie and the boys staring at me – especially Tony, who looked like he knew something. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he did. I didn’t care.

“I came back to England to see you; I wasn’t planning on staying very long, let alone letting you see me.” I said softly. I could feel my hands clenching themselves under the table and I bit my lip again. “In all honesty, I didn’t mean to lie to you…”

“Then what did you mean to do?” Steve asked, but Tony shot him a look that immediately silenced the Guitarist. I rolled my eyes at Steve’s question, but that was obviously Phil’s thought for the blonde looked expectantly at me, waiting to hear my answer. I bit harder on my lip, drawing blood to the surface. What should I tell him? What can I tell him? That I was going to simply disappear off the face of the Earth forever? That his girlfriend was really a one nightstand after all?

No. I can’t just tell him that. I couldn’t bring myself to say that. But I forced myself to tell him a half truth. Forcing back my tears, I looked back at Phil, staring straight into his eyes. The words came naturally as if we were just having a casual everyday conversation.

“I was planning on fading away.” I said softly.

“Fading away?” Phil echoed, his tone full of confusion.

“Now wait a minute,” Peter leaned in, his blue eyes staring at me. “Hina, you don’t mean you meant to kill yourself, do you?”

His question sent shivers down my spine and Phil went tense. The look in my boyfriend’s eyes was shock mingling with sadness and anger. I felt guilty – no! Sick! I felt sick with guilt for indirectly trying to hurt him. But what could I do to escape my mother for good? Phil can only protect me so much for so long before she catches up to me and forces me back into her Hell. I didn’t like my life to be honest. I hated it. But Phil was the only good thing – person – in my life. He was the one who made it worth living.

“Why?” Phil asked after we lapsed into complete silence for a minute or two. I sighed and closed my eyes again. The pressure was getting to be too much. I wanted to sink into the cracks of the ground and simply…disappear. I wanted to cry. I nearly jumped at feeling a hand touching my shoulder. I heard Charlie beginning to speak as I opened my eyes.

“Hina didn’t want to be around her mother, Phillip; I mean from what the two of you said, she sounds like a horrid woman.” Charlie said softly. Her green eyes flickered to Phil, daring him to say something of protest. “I’d run away from that life, too, if I had parents like that.”

I took in a shaky breath, my eyes studying Phil’s face for his reaction. I could still see the hurt lingering in his blue pools. There was no more trace of anger, just sadness. Phil reached out and gingerly touched my arm.

“Lovie, why did you leave me in the first place if you didn’t want to go with her?” he asked this in a very quiet tone.

I just bit my lip, not knowing how to answer that question. Charlie couldn’t save me this time. I finally exhaled and just rubbed at my eyes. They were getting irritated from me having suppressed my tears.

“I didn’t want to leave. Mom forced me to and plus we got into a fight, remember? You told me not to come back again.” I mumbled silently. I remember clearly what happened right before I left. Phil and I got into a stupid fight that was indirectly caused by my mom. We were so close to running away and eloping, but I guess I got slightly scared and I just chose to go to America with my parents.

“I said that because –“ Phil ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. We were starting to fall into a deadly and awkward silence. But my boyfriend finally sighed and gripped the Styrofoam cup that held his vanilla milkshake. “I was hurt, angry, confused, Hina. I really didn’t mean to say those horrible things to you and I know you didn’t mean to say those horrible things to me either.” He whispered quietly.

“I know.” I shifted a bit closer to him, but I still wasn’t going to do what Charlie and Peter do – act like nothing ever happened. Because me and Phil both know that we said and did some hurtful things to each other.

“I did pressure you into elopin’ wit’ Me.” his voice trailed off and I looked back at him. He looked really upset. I could see the memories flickering through his eyes. He was thinking the same thing as me. I quickly leaned in and kissed him, nipping his lips gently. My kiss must’ve caught Phil off guard because he tensed and confusion graced his face as he returned my kiss.

“Hina?” Phil began.

“We were both at fault, Phil. You were trying to protect me and I appreciate it.” I whispered gently. My hand went to the side of his face and I smiled weakly at him, my fingers stroking his cheek lightly. “So, how about we both quit feeling sorry for ourselves and start over? Not from the complete beginning, but you know…”

The blonde smiled at me and he pulled me closer to him. His arms went around my waist and I found myself almost sitting in his lap as he kissed me again.

“I think that’s a great idea, Hina,” he mumbled against my lips. We shared another kiss before pulling away.

“Great, now that we got ev’rythin’ cleared up; can we go to the rehearsals?” Steve asked in an annoyed tone. He obviously didn’t like seeing me, Phil, Charlie, and Peter being so lovie dovie with our respective partners. Charlie rolled her eyes and shook her head as Peter wrapped his arms around her, holding her in his lap.

“Sorry, but you don’t have any rehearsals today, Steve. This is your day off.” The redhead said softly. I blinked. How did she know that? Charlie obviously must’ve been reading my mind for she smiled at me. “I’m the manager of this band.”

“Manager?” I blinked in confusion once more. “I thought that that Tony Stratton-Smith guy was the manager?”

“No, no, no, Mr. Smith is our record producer. We’re signed onto his label.” Mike said, “An’ Charlie’s our manager cos she’s quite good at keepin’ us on schedule.”

“He he, not to mention, Stephen and Phillip are still getting used to the four of us since we’re so crazy.” Charlie’s words made Steve roll his eyes and Phil laugh.

“Please, I can put up wit’ an’thin’ you toss at me, Charlene.” The guitarist muttered, “I haven’t been the guitarist for the past four months for nothin’.”

He lifted his cup to his lips, taking a sip from it.

“And I believe Phil’s a tough lad.” Tony added, “So he can handle jus’ ‘bout an’thin’.”

“It’s Peter an’ I who should be getting’ the medals ‘cause we have to deal wit’ Charlie all the time.” Mike said jokingly and both he and Peter laughed as Charlie smacked his shoulder playfully.

“That’s mean! You two act like I’m violent or something!” her lips thrusted out into a small pout, her forest colored eyes almost glaring at Peter.

“I dunno, you sure smacked Peter a good one last night.” Steve stated.

“That’s when we were angry – What Mike’s talking about is play fighting, Stephen.” Charlie corrected, but it seems like she was getting upset again. Peter just hugged her back against his body, his lips brushing over hers.

“It’s alright, Charles. You’re not violent. Just full of energy.” He told her soothingly, rubbing her back gently.

“Anyways, since we ‘ave the day off, I bid ya adieu.” Steve slid out of the booth, dropped a few dollars onto the table and started for the door.

“And just where are you goin’, Stephen?” Tony called after him, but the look on Steve’s face told us he had a date lined up for this afternoon.

“Ok, that smile Steve wore was a bit creepy.” I said quietly to no one in particular, watching Steve walk out of the door.

“Steve’s just got a mind all his own, is all.” Phil reassured me. Mind or no mind, I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface that was Genesis. “By the way, Hina,”

“Yeah?”

“Do my parents know you’re back in England?” Phil asked this question and I felt my heart stopping dead in my chest – well, it felt like it.

“Ah, n-no.” my tone was weak and I smiled faintly at my boyfriend. “They were gonna be my next stop.”

I saw his eyebrow shoot up in a confused manner and I couldn’t help, giggling a bit. “I mean I was working my way up to visiting them.”

“Then where are you stayin’ at? Asides from with us.” Phil added the last part quickly and he stared hard at me.

“At the English Rose Inn.” I mumbled, averting my gaze elsewhere. Again, Phil tilted his head to the side.

“Where?”

“The English Rose Inn. It’s actually at the edge of town.” I said more loudly.

Charlie blinked. She gripped Peter’s hand and looked at us. “Isn’t that that expensive inn that most people from the Parliament hold their meetings at?” she asked curiously. “Or am I thinking of something else?”

“I think you’re thinkin’ of somethin’ else, Charles.” Peter said with a soft sigh. He allowed Charlie to gently rub his hands as she played with his fingers. He quickly pulled his hands away and pulled his wife closer to his body. I saw a tinge of pink gracing Charlie’s cheeks and she shifted a bit in her husband’s lap.

“Charlie, what’s…?” I frowned at seeing Charlie shaking her head, blushing even more. I didn’t really get why she was blushing. Peter was just holding her – albeit a bit intimately unless…

Tony must’ve seen this, too for he flashed Peter a knowing look, getting a sheepish smile from the singer. “Pete, don’t tell me you have another boner from holdin’ Charlie again?”

I opened my mouth to reprimand Tony for making that comment, but the way Charlie’s face went beet red obviously confirmed Tony’s statement. Peter let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. Poor Mike looked like a wounded dog, not knowing whether to yell at Peter and Tony or to just laugh it off. His lips curled back into a weak smile. He looked over to a nearby waiter and lifted a hand up.

“Check please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference Notes  
> 1\. For Absent Friends - The first song Phil sang for Genesis, it's off of the Nursery Cryme Album.


	6. Tortuous Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Hina learn the meaning of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Katie Mosing, who was in the hospital a few months back. <3 Love you.

I allowed my gaze to look over the cards in my hands. I have a great deal of cards left, but the one winning was Tony. Mike, Phil, Tony, and I were all currently playing some sort of card game. I think it was either Slap Jack or Go Fish. I can’t really remember. I never was much into playing card games, except for maybe Poker since Phil and I played that a lot with his parents. I frowned at my cards. I was losing.

“Are ya goin’ to draw a card or not, Hina?” Tony asked, his blue eyes studying me carefully. I just blinked. I was ready to respond when I heard a soft moan coming through the wall behind me. It was then that Mike reached over and turned on the TV – obviously to block out the series of moans coming from Peter and Charlene’s room.

All of us just came back from the baby shopping spree about an hour ago and because of his “aroused state,” we had hurried home and of course, Peter quickly pulled Charlie into their room where they were obviously in the throes of lovemaking.

I shifted in my chair at hearing another moan from the wall. It was Charlie moaning. “Ah, um…” glancing at the cards in my hands again, I looked to Phil, “Go fish?” I asked, not knowing what was going on.

“Wrong card game, Hina. We’re playin’ Rummy, Lovie.” Phil said with a quiet chortle. I groaned and just laid a card onto the table.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. Another moan, this time, Charlie’s name being thrown into the slurs of incoherent mumbles. I shifted uncomfortably. It was getting a bit hard to focus on the game when two people were having sex in the next room. After another minute of staring at my cards, I breathed out a sigh and just dropped my cards face down on the table, claiming yet another intermission.

“Well, I was winnin’ an’ways.” Tony chuckled, wiggling an eyebrow at me. I just rolled my eyes as Mike let out a soft yawn.

“Right, only because you’re a cheater and cheaters always cheat.” I retorted.

Tony raised an eyebrow at me, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. I was glad for the reprieve and for the chatter. Along with the TV, the small talk I was making with the musician was drowning out the unease I was feeling from having to sit there and listen to Charlie and Peter’s little sexcapade in the next room. Another loud moan made me shift uncomfortably in my chair and I saw Phil smiling weakly at me. Tony, however, just raised another eyebrow at me.

“Are they…always this _subtle_?” I asked, my gaze flickering to Mike and Tony. Mike just gave me a weak smile. I could see traces of a blush rising on his cheeks, making his skin pink with embarrassment. Tony’s short laughter made me frown; the stern looking youth just shook his head, flashing his white teeth at me.

“Charlie and Pete were never subtle with their sexual acts. Try as they might, they can’t restrain themselves. Alone and separate, they can be quiet, but put them together, and ya have nothin’, but a series of noise.” Tony’s tone lost all of the playfulness rather quickly, the laughter dying on his lips. He then leaned in, resting his elbows onto the table as he looked me square in the face. “They couldn’t keep their acts a secret in school, at least not at night when Peter snuck Charlie into my and his room or when Charlie snuck Peter into her, Mike, and Ant’s room.”

My jaw dropped. So, they’ve been having sex since their school days. “Are you--?” Mike’s weak smile and small nod made me twitch a bit. Peter and Charlie were really sexually active then.

“Why do ya think we try getting out of the house whenever it happens?” Tony asked, almost balefully as he scooped up all the playing cards. It was evident that none of us were going to complete the card game. This must’ve been the fiftieth card game of Rummy that we’ve started. No one was really keeping track – well, maybe Tony, but the rest of us weren’t.

I heard Mike let out a soft yawn and stretch out his limbs, his hands reaching skyward and his legs stretching out, and of course, I felt the front of his shoes brushing against my leg on accident.

“Sorry, Hina.” The awkwardly laid back Bassist mumbled, picking up the cards Tony had reshuffled and passed to him.

“No need to apologize.” I mumbled back. Being in this apartment with –

I cringed at hearing another series of moans, only this time; it sounded like the act had been committed, ceasing to have existed in the first place then…

Silence.

Mike finally reached out a hand to the television, turning it off. What came after was pure silence – a silence that was so golden that it made all four of us relieved that it was all over.

“Woo! Peace and quiet at last!” I cheered, thrusting a hand up into the air all happily. Phil just laughed out loud and pulled me into his lap, his lips brushing over my forehead.

“You’re such a dork, Lovie.” The Drummer said to me as I made myself comfortable.

“It takes one to know one.” I remark. But I couldn’t help the grin itching at my lips. I really was enjoying the silence. Hearing Charlie and Peter’s sex cries were really unnerving and it made me feel a tad bit uncomfortable. It was almost like I was listening in on them without actually doing so. “I’m just glad Charlie and Peter aren’t at it anymore.” I said a minute later, breaking the awkward silence.

I saw Tony’s lips pull back into a smirk and he looked past me and Phil.

“Hello, Peter. Did you have a lovely time boning your wife? Did she cry out yer name loud ‘nough?”

Shock rippled through me and I slowly turned my head, spotting Peter standing there with his arms folded in front of his bare chest. His broad shoulders only added onto the feminine qualities that came with him having small hips and that tall, slender body of his. Speaking of his hips…

My eyes slowly trailed down the Singer’s chest and down to his hips where his pants, despite hugging his hips, were unzipped. I felt my cheeks getting hot as I buried my face into Phil’s shoulder. “Oh my God!”

“Shuddup, Anthony.” I heard Peter said sharply. Tony just laughed as he made some other remark that I didn’t quite hear since my thoughts were permanently burned with the image of Peter current appearance. The singer quickly crossed the threshold, walking into the kitchen. I knew this because I could hear the water faucet being turned on. “Stephen’s still not back?”

“No, he called earlier saying he’s at some girl’s house.” Mike said stiffly. He just ran a hand through his hair with a frown. Well, I assumed this from the tone of his voice. I felt Phil’s hand rubbing my back gently as I sat there in his lap with my head buried into his shoulder. I was completely oblivious to the chatter and conversation of Phil and his three remaining band mates, becoming lost in the smell of his cologne, the way he absentmindedly rubbed my back or just held me close. I was almost asleep when I felt him shift a bit and then I felt it.

My entire body went rigid and I just felt myself freezing in place. His hand stopped stroking my back and he looked down at me with a concerned frown. “What’s wrong, Hina?” Phil’s tone was puzzled, his eyes blues eyes staring down at me.

My cheeks just heated up. “You’re… I felt you move…” I mumbled. It felt really hot in here all of sudden. I had to look away to avoid the confusion in Phil’s eyes.

“I was getting into a more comfortable position, Hina.” Phil frowned even more. My face must’ve been beet red by now from all the heat I was feeling ghosting across my skin. It was rather embarrassing.

“Hina?” he started in a soft tone.

“I think all of the moanin’ and groanin’ Peter and Charlie did has Hina aroused, Phillip.” Tony’s blank statement made Peter spew out the milk he was drinking; Mike just smiled weakly, blushing a bit himself. But Phil, the look on Phil’s face was absolutely stunned. His lips twitched with a smile as he looked at me.

Anger surged through me and I sort of lost control at this point for I quickly pulled away from Phil, rising from his lap. I glared darkly at the cynical member of Genesis. “What the hell makes you think that? I’m not aroused, alright? I j—you know what? I don’t have to explain myself to a smart ass like you.” I then stormed off, leaving the apartment.

“Hina, wait!” but it was too late. I was already gone.

\--

I ended up not leaving the apartment building completely. I guess I didn’t feel the need to just drift too far from Phil – even if I wanted to. I sat there under the steps of the stairs that led up to the second floor landing. The shadows hid me from anyone who wasn’t looking for me, but it didn’t take long for Phil find me. That boy always knew where to look for me. It almost seemed like his mind was in tuned with me or something.

“Go away.” I said, keeping my eyes closed as I leaned against the brick wall behind me. My legs were drawn up to my chest, my hands placed in my lap, and my eyes were shut. I just wanted to enjoy the silence of this idiotic world of mine for awhile. I felt the heat of Phil’s body as he knelt before me.

“Come on, Hina, it’s cold. And Tony didn’t mean what he said really.” Phil said appealingly. I didn’t bother pulling my hands away when he grabbed them, giving them a light squeeze. His hands felt warm compared to mine. But then again, Phil was wearing his jacket.

“That still doesn’t give him the right to say shit like that.” I muttered.

“Ah, true, but he still didn’ mean it,” my boy friend said softly. I finally opened my eyes and turned my head to him. The blonde was crouched in front of me with his eyes studying my face. Phil must’ve gotten tired of crouching down for he finally sat down on the ground completely and offered me a smile. I saw him hold out a hand to me. It was a gesture, an invite for me to sit in his lap.

I shook my head mutely, feeling a bit hesitant. “No, thank you. After feeling your boner in the kitchen, no thanks. I don’t want to sexually arouse you just because two of our friends were having sex.” I said to him.

A blush painted Phil’s cheeks with a pink tinge and he forced out a chuckle. “Hina, I’m not – I don’t have an erection, I promise ya that. All you felt back there was me movin’ to get situated better. Those kitchen chairs hurt my arse if I sit in them for too long. They’re really hard, y’know.”

My eyes narrowed, scrutinizing Phil and his words. I let my gaze falter down to his waist, or rather his thighs where his ‘bulge’ would be noticeable as Steve would say. There was nothing out of the –

“What the hell am I doing?” I face palmed myself, blushing furiously. “I swear, you and your band are becoming a horrible influence on me, Phillip!”

His laughter melted my heart as it rung in the air and I shrieked as he pulled me into his lap. Again, I was greeted by the scent of his body once more. I could feel his fingers trailing along the skin of my back, nearly making me shiver in the process. I just snuggled more into Phil’s embrace and brushed my lips against his. It was a shocking feeling, really because I did this without thinking and Phil just responded with a kiss of his own. He ran his fingers through my hair, keeping one arm around my waist as he nipped my lips.

I admit, feeling Phil’s beard and moustache against my lips was a bit awkward, but it didn’t bother me. As the kisses became more intense, with all the passion streaming between us, I felt Phil letting me settle into his lap completely and that’s when I felt it. And I mean I really felt it. It was there plain as day.

“Phillip…” I said with my cheeks flaming again.

He laughed and nuzzled my neck. “I know, now I have one.” Phil mumbled and he placed a kiss against the skin of my neck and hugged me even more. “What do ya say we go back an’ torture them with our lovemakin’ for once?”

I couldn’t help laughing at his half joke, half pleading statement. It would be so funny to torture Peter and the boys. Finally I nodded with a giggle. Phil swooped me up into his arms as he got to his feet. I allowed him to carry me back to the apartment.


	7. A Place to Call My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of the original chapters from the original version of the story. It's barely been changed except to include Charlie, but other than that this has been untouched.

I sat there, paralyzed with fear. I was in a lush jungle and the air was hot and humid, making it slightly hard to breathe despite the cold, wet rain falling about me. But I was not scared of being in this eerily beautiful jungle with its miserable weather. I was scared because of the sight before me. A group of Vietnamese soldiers were marching through the mushy mud, splattering the brown rain puddles onto their boots and the bottom of their pants. In between them, bound by either chains or rope were a group of soldiers of different Nationalities.  
  
The soldiers – that is to say the Vietnamese ones – were quickly approaching me. I was out in the opening, but they could not see me. Possibly, because this was a dream – it was not real. Either way, I wanted to hide, but I could not. I felt my heart racing as I noticed one particular soldier lagging behind the rest.  
  
His eyes were hard to see, but his slightly curly red-brown hair was identifiable as it hung about his face, matted with rain and mud. My heart leapt into the back of my throat as I saw him look up at hearing one of the Vietnamese men calling angrily out to him. It was Hughes. My twin brother who left home, only to die in the Vietnam War several years ago. I felt sick to my stomach as he was yanked to his feet. He apparently was a bit too slow for his movements were sluggish – unless it was the rain and the mud that bogged down his movements as he scrambled to get to his feet quickly – and the Vietnam Native closest to him yanked even harder. I watched, nearly flinching as my sibling fell headfirst back into the mud.  
  
“Nhanh lên!” one of the growled, calling to my brother. But no matter how hard he tried, Hughes could not get up and this just made the Vietnamese soldiers all the more angry. Much to my horror, one of the soldiers went up behind beloved twin and raised the barrel of the rifle, aiming it at the back of my brother’s head. I wanted to stop him but some unknown force was holding me back.  
 _A ghost?_ _  
  
_ _A specter?_ _  
  
_ _Fear?_  
  
I did not know. All I knew was that I could not move. All I can do was stand here in my spot and watch with terror as Hughes looked my way. His eyes widened. Two words passed his lips.

“Hina, run!” the soldiers all looked at me now and I could see them coming at me with their rifles mounted. My heart was beginning to pound now and again, my brother yelled for me to run. But I oculdn’t. my bpdy was frozen to the spot. I couldn’t move. My legs owuldn’t budge. I was stuck there, rooted to the ground like a tree. It wasn’t until one of the soldiers raise their rifle that the soldier behind my brother shot his rifle off with a deafening bang. I thought my ears would explode from the loud noise. I was left with the sight of Hughes falling to the ground in slow motion – almost as if someone had briefly paused the camera and played what I was seeing at a slow pace. It felt like an eternity as he dropped dead, landing in the mess that was mud and the pool of dark red liquid that was his blood. I stood there for a few minutes, staring at the dead body of my twin, the shock slowly creeping up on me.

The soldier closest to me fired off his rifle and then a scream erupted from the back of my throat, making the dream fade away…  
  
\---  
  
“Hina! What’s wrong? Wake up!”

I jerked awake at hearing someone calling out to me. Opening my eyes, I saw that I was still in Phil’s bedroom – which he was sharing with me at this point – safe and far away from Vietnam and its horrors. Beads of sweat were rolling down the sides of my face and my heart was racing dizzily in my chest as I sat up. I turned my blue gaze to see Phil and the others all in the room with me. All of them wore confused and concerned looks on their faces – except for Steve – he was just plain confused.  
  
Phil frowned deeply as he saw me sitting here, trembling from the memories of the dream replaying in my mind. He sat down on the bed beside me and pulled me to him, gently placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Hina, what happened?” He asked quietly. His tone was full fright and I did not blame him. He had probably just gotten up when I screamed. He was wearing a light blue flannel shirt that was half way buttoned.  
  
I just shook my head, unable to speak. The all too familiar ice ball was returning and I could feel it beginning to melt. I already felt sick to my stomach from seeing my brother being murdered in my dream, but now this nauseous feeling was increasing tenfold. Phil frowned even more and the skin on his forehead wrinkled up at the grave look on his face.  
  
“Lovie…” My friend put a hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him, “You’re looking really pale…”  
  
“Phil, she’s…” Mike began, but it was already too late. I pulled away from Phil and started to crawl off the bed, only to start coughing and gagging before I could even reach the other end of the bed. Mike quickly retrieved Phil’s wastebasket and held it below my face as I started to cough up whatever I’ve eaten within the past few days – which is very little thanks to my troubling nightmares lately. Steve crinkled his nose in disgust, his face scrunching up, making his small, squinty eyes look even more squished. Charlie just glared at him as she walked up to me, helping Phil keep me steady.

“It’s alright, HIna.” Charlie said softly, keeping a strong grip on my shoulder as Phil pulled my hair back out of my face. I couldn’t help puking. The dream left me a trembling mess and seeing my brother being killed before my very eyes wasn’t  a very pleasant sight.  
  
“Bloody ‘ell,” Steve muttered while Phil whispered words of comfort into my ear and rubbed my back. Mike just shot him a dirty look and frowned, holding the wastebasket in my line of fire.  
  
“Can’t you be nice for once, Steve?” Mike said curtly. The Bassist crinkled his nose up as I retched and gagged, coughing into the waste bin. I may not have been coughing anything up, but what I did cough up was a nasty mess that I would like to soon forget about.  
  
My gagging and coughing fit left me shaking and trembling, and short on breath might I add. I took in a huge gulp of breath as I laid back into Phil’s arms. I did not like puking. Hell, I do not like feeling sick. Phil gently raked his hand through my hair and kissed my temple as Steve just rolled his eyes at Mike’s words and I didn’t know what else transpired after that because I had my eyes closed, trying to ease the throbbing in my head.  
  
 _Make it stop! Stop it! Stop! STOP IT!_ My inner voice was screaming at not me, but them. I could hear a million voices in my head – maybe it was not quite that much but still – they were screaming at me, screaming at the boys, and at each other. All the while of hearing these voices darting around my head, I close my eyes in attempts of blocking them out. My hands went to my head and my eyes were squeezed shut tightly. I could feel my heart beating furiously from my within my chest. My entire body was trembling now. The voices were getting louder and louder. Starting to panic, I started to sing the first song that entered my mind and that is,  _A Place to Call My Own_  from Genesis’ first Album, From  _Genesis to Revelations_.  
  
“ _And I’ve nearly found a place to call my own. Waking gently, feel the presence near. Dead old shattered warmth is everywhere[/i]_.” The lyrics were leaving my lips faster than I could think them and I was soon drowning out the voices that only I could hear. “ _I am only a child of hers! My god, young goddess! I think I’ve nearly found a place to call my own_.”  
  
“Wha’ the bloody hell? Is she singin’ what I think she’s singin’?” Steve asked in mild confusion. He stared at me with wide eyes as Phil frowned. He held me close, whispering in my ears, one of his hands rubbing my back.

“She is! She’s singing one of the band’s first songs!” Charlie’s tone was blurred out by the confusion of other voices running through my head. She frowned as Mike gently pulled her back towards him and Peter.  
  
“It’s a’right, Lovie. Sssh.” Phil’s voice was starting to break through the montage of voices echoing throughout my mind, but it did nothing to drown them out completely.  
  
“ _Now I’m reaching my journey’s end inside her womb and I think I’ve found a place to call my own_.” I breathed in deeply, my heartbeat starting to slow down. The voices were beginning to end and Phil’s words of comfort were officially drowning them out.  
  
“Hina. Listen to me, Hina?” The one who spoke this time was Peter. “Whatever you’re hearing, they’re not real. They – or it – are – is – just inside of your head… you’re not going insane.”  
  
I nearly jumped at feeling Peter grabbing my hands and I immediately opened my eyes to stare at him. Peter touching my hands had sent a chilling shock rippling through my entire body. As I stared into his dark blue eyes, I saw a worried look grazing their depths. I took in a deep breath of relief and hugged Peter tightly.

“Thank you.” Peter’s body became tense, but his muscles immediately relaxed and he returned my hugged. I could sense his confusion as he did so.  
  
“Ah, you’re welcome…?” The twenty-year-old stammered a bit nervously, as I released him, “I was just helpin’.”  
  
I laughed a bit and hugged Mike before hugging Tony and Steve. Steve almost backed away from me as my arms went around went around his waist. I suddenly pulled away from him with a frown.

 

“Why the hell are you in your boxers, you twat?” I asked, now staring at him. My eyes looked Steven over and I saw that he was wearing only a pair of black boxers. In fact, all the boys – save for Phil – were in their sleepwear. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment at seeing everyone. “All of you are in your…pajamas – boxers – whatever the hell you sleep in!”  
  
Steve just scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ya did wake us up wit’ your screamin’ an’ all.” The guitarist said moodily. He let out a yawn and sauntered out. “I’m goin’ back to bed.”  
  
I blinked and buried my face into my hands. The clock on the wall read six in the morning. I just woke up the whole damn apartment building with my screaming I bet. Groaning, I shook my head, mumbling a string of incoherent apologies to everyone while mentally cursing myself. I yelped at having Tony pushed me back onto the bed.  
  
“The hell, Tony?” I yelped. When I brushed my hair out of my face to look at the Pianist, I saw a sheepish grin tugging at his lips. Tony’s dark eyes glittered with the rare playfulness that hardly reveals itself.  
  
“Since you woke us all up, you’ll be th’ one to make us breakfast, Hina.” Even his tone was sheepish and playful as he said this and yet, there was a seriousness underlining his tone as he turned around to walk out of the room.  
  
“Alright, but consider your toast burnt and your eggs over easy!” I called after him. Mike laughed and ruffled my hair in the process while following Peter and Tony, leaving me alone with Phil.  
  
“I’m sure you cook better than tha’!” Tony called as Mike closed the bedroom door.  
  
I let out a sigh of relief and collapsed back onto the bed. I closed my eyes only for a minute, only to open them at feeling something brushing against my forehead. When I opened my eyes, I saw Phil smiling down at me. “He’s just kidding, Hina. It’s actually Mike’s turn to make the meals this week.” My crush said softly. I smiled back at him and blew a light raspberry at him.  
  
“I knew that!” I said quickly. Phil just chuckled and leaned in again. This time, our lips collided in a kiss. I could not help but feeling a bit light headed at having Phil kissing me. The way he nipped my lips gently made my heart race. The look in his eyes as each kiss ended was full of love – the kind that was only reserved for me and only me.  
  
I reached up, pulled Phil back down, and kissed him again. “I love you.” I murmured into the kiss without thinking.  
  
Phil smiled in our kiss and he slipped an arm around my waist, drawing me into his lap. “I know you do, Lovie, and I love you, too.” He whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Vietnamese phrase in this chapter roughly translates to, "Get up!"
> 
> The song featured in this chapter is "A Place to Call My Own" by Genesis.


	8. More Fool Me: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Hina have a small disagreement.

We sat there under the stairwell, locked in a comfortable embrace. My back was resting against his front as I sat there in his lap. We were both wrapped in a soft fleece blanket. It wasn’t really cold or anything. Phil just wanted an excuse to cuddle under a blanket, which I didn’t mind. I just didn’t want to be anywhere near the apartment right now. There’s a party going on and that means Cheryl would be there.

Two months of living with Phil and his band mates had taught me to avoid parties involving Steve, drinking, and women. Things get a little uncomfortably rowdy for my liking when you mix Steve with those two elements.

I honestly tried to avoid Phil at all costs since my little panic attack yesterday. It was because I didn’t know how to tell him the reason behind it and Phil not asking me didn’t help things any. To him, everything was fine and dandy. It just made me feel even more anxious.

I could feel his hand stroking the skin of my arm gently as we sat there. The only sound was the faint rumbling of motor cars running in the distance and the occasional barks of dogs in the next apartment building. Other than that, the world was completely silent, enveloping us in complete darkness.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice nearly startled me as he asked this.

I kept my gaze focused on the nearby street and shrugged. “Talk about what?” I replied, trying to keep my tone casual. The sigh I heard in my ear told me he was annoyed.

“Hina,” Phil started with another sigh. He stopped rubbing my arm, letting his hand just rest in the crook of my arm. “You know what I’m talkin’ about.”

“Yeah, I do and I don’t wanna talk about it.” I retorted angrily. I was starting to get annoyed as well. I didn’t want to tell him that I was still dreaming of my brother’s death in Vietnam. It would only disappoint and worry him even more.

“Avoidin’ the problem won’t make it better.”

I grew tense at hearing Phil saying that and I slowly looked back at the drummer. My eyes were beginning to tear up. He always knew how to get under my skin. Phil knew me all too well.

“Who says I’m avoiding the problem?” I asked.

“I did.” Phil replied. He shifted a bit, temporarily releasing me, to get more comfy. His arms were soon back around me. “I said so.”

“And who made you such an expert on me?”

“No one. It comes from bein’ your boyfriend and I know you too well.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” He was getting annoyed again.

I turned twisted around in his arms to look at him better. We could hear some music trailing from the upstairs apartment accompanied by laughter. He just smiled weakly at me.

“It’s the truth.” Phil said softly.

“Oh, really? Do you really know me like you think you do, Phillip? Were you with me during the last two years when I was living with my mother? Living in her Hell?” I asked fiercely. All the bitterness, hatred, and frustration at my mother and myself were rising to the surface.

I watched the way his facial features expression changed as his emotions shifted. His lips pulled back into a frown.

“Where the bloody hell is this comin’ from, Hina?” Phil’s eyes narrowed as he asked me this. His tone was angry and it surprised me.

I honestly didn’t know how to respond to his question. Taking in a deep breath, I just shook my head. “I don’t know.” I said quietly. I almost wanted to cry.

Another sigh escaped his lips and Phil hugged me to him again. “Hina, I’m just worried about ya. I wish you’d speak to me, or at least have a little more trust in Me.” he whispered in my ear.

This was the breaking point. The mental dam I was using to hold back all of my tears and emotions started to crack when I first came back to England, but now it was bursting. The floodgates were open and overflowing, and everything was finally coming at me at full force. Guilt, sadness, anger, every emotion seeped out of my soul and all I could do was bawl into Phil’s shoulder. I didn’t know what else to do, but that. I always bottled up my emotions until they start to overflow.

Just like all the other times I’ve cried like this in my life, Phil hugged me to him and whispered words of comfort, of love, into my ear, waiting for me to calm down. One of his hands went to my back, rubbing it gently, but unfortunately, I wouldn’t be calming down anytime soon. At least nor for a good long while. It took a long time for me to stop crying. I think at least thirty minutes, maybe even forty. It really surprised me that Phil was patient enough to stay with me this long, but then again, he’s Phillip. He’s always the one who’s been there for me whenever I felt this way.

I breathed in deep when I finally calmed down, taking in Phil’s cologne. Yeah, he wore cologne. I don’t know why though.

“Care to talk about it now?” he asked again. I nodded this time, but I kept my face buried into his shoulder. His cologne was acting as a balm to my nerves. I felt his one of his arms going back around my waist as we lapsed into another silent spell.

Breathing deeply again, I let my fingers pull at one of the laces hanging off of Phil’s shirt as I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts. I finally spoke a few minutes later. “I had a dream about Hughes.” I mumbled. My boyfriend’s body tensed a bit and he looked down, but I went on, keeping my hands occupied with playing with Phil’s shirt collar. “He was trying to warn me about something, but they got him. They shot him.”

Phil frowned and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry ya had such a scary dream, Hina.” He whispered. I just shook my head, finally looking up at him.

“You don’t have to apologize. You weren’t responsible for his death. I was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference Notes:  
> 1\. Chapter Title: "More Fool Me" is the second song Phil sang the lead vocals for and it's off of Genesis' fifth album, Selling England by the Pound.


	9. More Fool Me: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina begins to have doubts.

“Are you alright, Hina? You haven’t really eaten anything lately.” Charlie’s voice broke through my silent musings and I found myself snapping back to attention. I was sitting there in a chair that I pulled up next to the kitchen sink. Everyone just finished dinner, leaving Charlie to wash dishes all by herself. Of course, Mike and Peter tried to offer their services, but they were chased away by the pregnant female with threats of being hit with a frying pan.

“Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m helpless!” was what she had told them at the time. The boys were sitting in the living room adjacent to the dining room and kitchen, doing whatever they could to kill off the boredom. Of course, Phil was sitting at the kitchen table, watching me like a hawk while fingering through a magazine.

“Ah, yeah, just spacing out a bit.” I mumbled with a sheepish grin. Even Phil was staring at me with concern gracing his face. Charlie’s thin lips pulled back into a slight frown and her green eyes stared at me.

“Have you been feeling dizzy lately?” her question startled both me and Phil.

“W-what?” I blinked, staring back at me as Phil looked over at us just over the top of his magazine.

“Have you been getting any migraines or dizzy spells lately?” Charlie asked softly.

“I don’t think so. No.”

Why was she asking me all of these strange questions?

“Any nausea?”

Again, I blinked and shook my head.

“What about fatigue? Have you been feeling that?” Charlie asked, earning a shake of the head from me.

“No, I haven’t been getting sick or any headaches. The only headache is Steve when he’s being annoying.” I replied. I suddenly tensed and I frowned. “Are you asking if I’m pregnant?”

“Are you pregnant?” I heard his soft voice carrying from the kitchen table to my spot next to the kitchen sink. I quickly turned my gaze to Phil, feeling very surprised that he would ask me that. There was a questioning gaze lurking in his eyes as our eyes locked. Phil stared at me in an expectantly patient manner.

I just shook my head, feeling my cheeks turning red from embarrassment. “Wha-No! I’m not pregnant, Phillip! I swear!”

There was still that concerned look on face, but at least he took my answer. “Alright, I believe you, Lovie.” Phil said softly before going back to his magazine. I frowned once more. What was that all about?

Turning my head back to Charlie, I blinked. “What’s with you asking me all of these questions, all of a sudden, Charlie?” I asked her. My friend just shrugged as she rinsed off a frying pan.

“I was just curious, that’s all. I mean, you just have that strangely happy glow about you while Phil’s been... bummed out.” The redhead said softly before walking over to the side of the upper cabinets where the pans often hung. She stood on her tippy toes, trying to get the frying pan onto the hook. Several times she nearly lost her balanced and toppled over; each time she almost fell over, a worried look would grace Peter’s face. Her husband was already tense while watching her, digging his fingers into the arms of the chair.

“Damn it, Charlene!” Peter finally snapped, getting up. He came over and took the pan from his wife, placing it on the hook for her.

“Hey! I almost had it!” Charlie said with a scowl, but her husband continued to glare at her.

“You nearly lost your balance. You should ask for help if you can’t reach something.” Peter scolded. His tone was angry, his words harsh, but he gently pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. “S’pose you fell over and hurt yourself, and the baby?”

It seems like Charlie took his words into consideration for she mumbled an incoherent apology to the singer. I got up, wanting to give them some privacy. I didn’t know why, but whenever Peter and Charlie were having little intimate moments, I always felt the need to give them some privacy. I guess I felt like I was intruding by staring at them. I was barely out of the kitchen when he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into his lap.

“Phil-!” His lips brushed over mine in a gentle kiss. Phil snaked his arms around my waist as he rested his forehead against mine. There was something melancholic and sad about my boyfriend as we looked at each other. “Phillip, what’s going on with you?” I asked when the kiss ended.

“Tell me the truth, Hina. Are you pregnant?” he asked in a low voice that was barely above a whisper. Again, the same shocking feeling rushed through me, washing over me like a wave. I had to thread my fingers into Phil’s shirt to keep myself study. At least I was able to stare at Phil without feeling anxious.

“No, Phillip, and I’ll slap the next person who asks me that.” I responded in an irritated tone. Relief flooded Phil’s face and the drummer gave me a good squeeze. His lips brushed against mine once more.

“I’m glad.” He mumbled against my lips.

“You’re a dork. Why are you so worried about that anyways?” I asked, pulling out of the kiss and looking at the nineteen year old with a curious gaze.  He’s been acting mighty strange lately and it’s been a little…annoying.

His face flushed a bit, but Phil kept his forehead against mine as he looked into mine. I felt his arms holding me around my waist, one of his hands rubbing my lower back gently. Phil just kissed me again and smiled weakly at me.

“I was just worried that your menstrual cycle might’ve skipped around a bit....” He said quietly.

“Phil, you of all people should know that mine always skip around…” I felt that there was something Phil wasn’t telling me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. An awkward silence was beginning to form, but it was Phil who broke it. He just kissed my forehead again and buried his face into the side of mine, holding on to me still. “Philip?”

“I’m just a bit worried ya weren’t usin’em – the products in the bathroom.” He mumbled against my skin. My heart stopped dead in its tracks at hearing those words coming from my boyfriend’s mouth. I could feel heat rising on my cheeks.

“Products?” I echoed with a blush.

Charlie looked over at us from Peter’s embrace, her green eyes staring at us. “Phillip, the tampons in the bathroom are mine.” Her words made the situation even more awkward than before. Phil’s face turned completely red now and he looked back at me, pulling away a smidgeon.

“Then where do you keep--?”

“In the back of your closet.” I murmured quietly. My face felt really hot now. I could only guess that both of us were feeling the same embarrassment.

“Come on, Charles. You need to get to bed.” I heard Peter say softly to Charlie as she yawned. He led her away despite her sleepy protests, leaving the two of us alone with our thoughts and another awkward silence. The boys had gone to bed sometime ago.

It seemed like time was dragging on as I sat there in Phil’s lap with Phil resting his head in the crook of my neck. At least he wasn’t being awkward. The only sounds I could hear were the drops of water coming out of the faucet after being turned off and Phil’s soft breathing as he started to doze off. He was well-known for falling asleep at random times. Well, to me at least.

“Phil?” I started softly. There was no response. “Phillip, are you really going to fall asleep here?”

“Hmm…” Phil jerked himself awake, his head pulling back with a start. A sleepy smile crept onto his lips as he looked at me. “I was awake.” He mumbled.

“Really? If you’re that tired then let’s get to bed. I mean that’s why you have a bedroom, right?” I teased, but my teasing didn’t faze him for Phil just stood up with me in his arms. He looked more wide-awake now as he gave me a sheepish grin. 

“I can think of another use for having a bedroom.” Phil whispered seductively. I just flicked his nose with a playful giggle.

“Is sex and music all you think about, Phillip?”

He laughed and shook his head, kissing me on the lips.

“No, I think of other things.” Phil whispered, carrying me into the bedroom.

\--

The lamp on Phil’s nightstand was the only source of light in the room as we lay at the foot of the bed. Phil was fast asleep or close to it with his arms wrapped around me and his face buried into the crook of my neck. My gaze couldn’t help travelling to a small calendar hanging on the back Phil’s closet door.

It was the calendar. Barely squinting, I could see various scribbles littering the calendar. Most of them were Phil’s scrawls, detailing band rehearsals, gigs, whatever else he would have going on, but there was a one lone box that was outlined in red. It was the only mark I’ve made to help me keep track of my period. This was just a technique I learned early on from Phil’s mom when I was younger.

My lips curled back into a frown at seeing all the days for this month crossed off and the red circled box not marked for me having had my time of the month. It was because of that that Charlie’s and Phil’s inquiries of my being pregnant were beginning to unnerve me. Their assumptions just might be right.

A small groan escaped Phil’s lips as I carefully untangled myself from him and the covers, but of course, his left arm went back around my waist. He was beginning to wake up some. “Where’re you goin’?” he asked in his sleep.

I just smiled and pecked him on the lips, “Just to the bathroom.” My answer seemed to satisfy him for he just released me and rolled back over, slipping back into his deep slumber again. Depending on how tired he is, Phil can be either a heavy sleeper or a light sleeper.

As I rose off the bed, I slipped into some clothes and walked over to the closet. My heart started to beat rapidly in my chest, the thoughts that both Charlie nad Phil casted into my brain becoming rampant. All I could do was flip through the last few months, looking at all the dates of when I was supposed to be pmsing, or as Steve calls it, “Becoming a hormonal bitch.”

I wasn’t all that surprised to see that I had either forgotten to mark my pmsing days down when it came or it just didn’t come.

“Just great, fucking great.” I muttered, suppressing the storm cloud of confusion wanting to burst out of me. Usually under circumstances like this, I’d be freaking out and giving Phil hell about the possibility of being pregnant.

 _Give it a few more days, Hina, and maybe then you’ll snap._  I thought to myself, but the fear has already began to settle within my soul.


	10. More Fool Me: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina has a scare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is supposed to indicate how much time has passed since the beginning of the story. In case anyone is confused, three months has passed since the beginning of the story and as of the last chapter, Phil is now twenty (his birthday is Jan. 31st), I hope this clears up any confusion.

My stomach was churning and I didn’t like it. I held the phone so tightly that my knuckles were beginning to turn white. My heart was pounding in my chest. I honestly didn’t know how to make this call. Hell, I didn’t even know how to tell Phil’s parents that there’s a big chance of them becoming grandparents, let alone telling Phil he just might be a dad. So, making a call to the doctor and setting up an appointment, despite it sounding and seeming easier than telling Phil and his parents of the possible pregnancy, is actually a lot harder. I lack the proper social skills for talking on the phone. I didn’t know how long I was standing here in the kitchen, fighting myself to call either Miss June or the doctor’s office, but I heard something behind me and a tingling sensation washed over me. It was then that a voice whispered in my ear.

“Jus’ wha’ do ya think yer doin’?”

The voice sent shivers down my spine. My heart pounded even harder now. When I slowly turned my head, I saw someone, a shadowy figure standing behind me. To tell you the truth, it was actually quite scary and given my nerves being shot right now, seeing this guy, the shadowed figure, made everything worse for me. I just let out at a yelp and slapped him on instinct.

“Bloody hell, Hina?”

The kitchen lights flickered on and I saw Steve standing there, rubbing the side f his face while glaring at me. I couldn’t help getting flustered and angry. My nerves were really rattled and the whole pregnancy deal was aggravating enough. “What the hell is your problem, Stephen? Don’t you know that sneaking up on people is rude?” I yelled. My whole body was trembling at this point and I was close to tears.

“I was just playin’.” Steve muttered, a slightly confused look gracing his face, “What has you so riled up, an’ways?”

Tears were threatening to fall, but I suppressed them and slammed the phone back onto its hook. “None of your damn business!” I replied crossly. The others must’ve heard us because the living room light came on next and we both heard Peter’s voice from across the room.

“What’s goin’ on in here?” Peter looked over at us with a sleepy Charlie holding onto his arm. “Hina? Stephen?” his tone was a bit irritated, “what are you two doin’ out here?”

“Nothin’, Hina’s just got’erself worked up inta a pissy mood.” Steve’s words only served to anger me even further and I slapped him as hard as I could, not even caring that o possibly left a bruise. I wasn’t feeling well and i haven’t had an ounce of sleepy. “Damn it, Hina! Ya stupid-!” his words faltered under peter’s glare as Phil reached for me. The others had finally come out of their rooms.

“C’mon, Hina,” Phil said gently, leading me back into his room. I could hear the others beginning to yell at Stephen, but I didn’t care about that at this very moment.

Once we were in the privacy of his bedroom, Phil shut the door and turned around to face me. He watched me for a solid minute before speaking. “What’s wrong wit’ you, Hina? How come ya didn’t come back ta bed last night?” he asked his voice full of concern. I just shook my head, unable to answer his question. My stomach was hurting now and I felt nauseas. My stomach was starting to act up again. Phil frowned even more and he walked over to me. “Hina?”

“I’m fine.” I lied. I felt tears beginning to surface and I blinked them back. I shouldn’t be feeling this lost and confused. All of this pregnancy business has me feeling messed up inside. Much to my surprise, Phil just pulled me into a hug. He rubbed my back gently.

“No, yer not.” The drummer whispered, “Now tell me what’s wrong?” his voice was so gentle that it almost made me cry on the spot. I just breathed in deeply, hoping to gather my thoughts together.

“I’ve been forgetting to mark the calendar.” I mumbled against his shoulder. Phil’s body tensed up a bit and he looked down at me.

“By how many months?” I heard him ask lowly. I just bit my lip and glanced back at the calendar.

“By about two, maybe three months.”

Phil pulled away from me, only to walk over to the calendar. He then lifted up the pages, his blue eyes vaguely skimming through the last few months. It was then that I saw one corner of his lips pulling back into the beginnings of a smile. It confused me.

“Phillip?” I asked, blinking in puzzlement. I didn’t understand why he was smiling like that. He gestured for me to come over and I did. His hand was holding up one a few pages of the calendar while he pointed with the index finger of his other hand.

“Look at this date, Hina.” My boyfriend said gently. I did. The month read, [i]January[/i]. My heart leapt at the sudden realization and I facepalmed myself. I wasn’t didn’t come back to England until the middle of February. I felt like a complete idiot.

“Damn.” I muttered to myself, “I’ve been mixing my months.” I frowned at hearing Phil laughing and I glared at him. “What’s so damn funny?” I asked my boyfriend this, earning a faint smile from him. Phillip just shook his head and drew me into another hug, his lips kissing my forehead again.

“Nothin’. I wasn’t laughin’ at ya. I was just laughin’wit’ you.” Phil murmured into my hair.

 _Yeah, right_. My frowned deepened. I was feeling really angry and confused right now, and I didn’t like it. I just spent all night, fretting over whether I was pregnant or not. i looked up at Phil. His calm nature wasn’t helping my already frazzled nerves any. I liked being in control where I know what’s going on around me.

Seeing that I wasn’t going to calm down or get over my pregnancy scare, Phil smiled at me and he kissed me on the lips. “Tell ya what, we’ll go down ta the Doctor’s Office later on an’ see what’s goin’ on? Okay, Lovie?” he asked in a quietly serious tone.

I had no choice, but to agree for Phil was giving me that puppy dog look again and not to mention I still couldn’t shake this feeling that I was still pregnant.


End file.
